5. Rosie O'Donnell, A Rosie Christmas
Think it's not possible to hate that little red tampon Elmo anymore than you already do? Just wait until you hear his duet with the most annoying woman on daytime television. (Yes, she's worse than Oprah.)



4. Terry Bradshaw, Terry Bradshaw Sings Christmas Songs for the Whole Family
We'd rather watch Failure to Launch on loop than sit through another note of this.



3. Paul McCartney, "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time"
Well, we were having a wonderful Christmas time until some ass turned on this song.



2. NewSong, "The Christmas Shoes"
You know what happened to those shoes the kid bought for his dying mother? The mortician stole them.



1. Christmas in the Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album
If Jon Bon Jovi had any shame, he'd apologize for making his recording debut on "R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas." Unfortunately for all of us, Jon Bon Jovi has no shame. (How else do you explain "Who Says You Can't Go Home?")