7 Games Your Family Will Love!
In other words, avoid these like the plague.

Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise
Platform: Xbox 360
Release Date: Sept. 2, 2008
Sort of Like: Watching the G-rated version of a pregnancy video

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: This game is Tamagotchi in HD, except you have to make animals procreate to brain-detonating techno music.





Hell's Kitchen
Platform: Wii, DS, PC
Release Date: Sept. 9, 2008
Sort of Like: Stabbing yourself with a Ginsu knife

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: Games based on TV shows are usually a notch more entertaining than wet dog shit, and this port of the PC game based on Fox's reality show is no different. You compete for Gordon Ramsay's affection by pointing at foods and combining them into a bowl. Do it correctly and you don't get yelled at by Ramsay—the only good part of both the show and the game.





Cooking Mama World Kitchen
Platform: Wii
Release Date: Oct. 28, 2008
Sort of Like: Making lunch on your Nintendo

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: Believe it or not, this is a sequel. Enough idiots bought the original version of the cooking game to warrant another one. And here's what you'll be able to do this time around: make a pizza, cut onions, and fry pancakes. Lordy, Lordy, does the fun ever stop?





Crash: Mind Over Mutant
Platform: Xbox 360, PS2, PSP, DS, Wii
Release Date: Oct. 7, 2008
Sort of Like: Playing it again...for the very first time

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: With its 15th installment, developers are promising to take it to a WHOLE. NOTHER. LEVEL. This is the kind of series that doesn't want to die, even when there are exponentially better games out there, like the Ratchet & Clank franchise. 1995, you, however, will looooove it!





de Blob
Platform: Wii, DS
Release Date: Sept. 22, 2008
Sort of Like: Kindergarten

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: The evil I.N.K.T. have sucked all of the color from your city and it's up to you to waggle, wiggle, and swing your blubbery ball friend to victory, restoring ROY G. BIV to society. Only problem is that the game makes a better coloring book for 3-year-olds than a video game. On the bright side, it's only a few weeks until you can paint the town blood red with your chain saw gun in Gears of War 2.





Wario Land: Shake It!
Platform: Wii
Release Date: Sept. 22, 2008
Sort of Like: Knowing the ending to a movie before it happens

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: How do you keep Mario, gaming's biggest franchise, feeling like a breath of fresh air with each release? Make a below-average game featuring the lovable plumber's below-average Bizarro double. Wario fails at life again, this time trying to return the bottomless coin sack back to the defenseless Yuretopian people. Here's what happens: He returns the bottomless coin sack back to the defenseless Yuretopian people. Moving on...





BUZZ! Quiz TV
Platform: PS3
Release Date: Sept. 23, 2008
Sort of Like: Getting stuck on Family Feud

Why You'll Be Bored to Tears: The concept is novel enough, with the introduction of wireless buzzers and user-generated questions. But based on what we've played, the questions used in Sony's upcoming trivia show game are for high school dropouts. Then again, 30 percent of America, have we got the game for you!