Movie: Batteries Not Included
Robots: The Fix-Its
The thing we love most about robots is their ability to kill efficiently and without remorse, which is why we hate the Fix-Its so friggin' much. When alien robots—at least we think they were aliens, that movie came out a long time ago—come down from space they're supposed to unleash devastating mechanical fury upon the earth, not shack up with Jessica Tandy and fix toasters.



Movie: Short Circuit
Robot: Johnny 5
With his stupid voice, terrible one-liners, and arms like a retarded T-rex, Johnny 5 is easily the crappiest robot in movie history. This movie is fun to watch when you're 5, but after that the only redeeming qualities are the scene where Johnny bleeds oil after getting the crap kicked out of him and Fisher Stevens' laughably racist Indian accent.



Movie: Star Wars
Robot: C-3PO
George Lucas created a heap of innovative movie robots, but this piss-colored rust bucket is easily the second most annoying character in the Star Wars universe. (He's not quite lame enough to dethrone Jar Jar, but it's close.) Why would something that's fluent "in over 6 million forms of communication" need to use a voice described on Wikipedia as that of a "prissy, high-strung butler"? Plus, if we hear the words, "oh dear," one more time, our heads are going to explode like the friggin' Death Star.



Movie: A.I.
Robot: Haley Joel Osment Android
A.I. is two and a half hours of (more) proof that Steven Spielberg is better at adopting children than creating robots. We can just hear him saying, "I want to make a movie about a robot that has no lasers of any kind, but does a lot of moping and whining. People are definitely going to love that." Well, we don't love it, and if that ass guard at the gate of Spielberg's mansion would ever let us through, we would tell him. Then we would steal his mail.



Movie: Lost in Space
Robot: Matt LeBlanc
They never actually come out and say that LeBlanc is a robot in this movie, but with his wooden delivery, vapid expressions, and complete lack of human emotion, it's hard to think otherwise. Apparently there's another pretty crappy 'bot in this flick as well, but we were too busy yelling, "Look, it's Joey!" to notice.