Basic

If Full Metal Jacket and The Deer Hunter haven’t already convinced you that the military isn’t all Bible study and PTA meetings, Basic will leave no doubt. Too bad this compares palely to those classics, predictably treading on occupied territory—but its blood buffet does boast enough violence to satiate your most feral cravings. With Samuel L. Jackson as a ruthless drill instructor, John Travolta popping up as ex-Army wiseguy Agent Hardy, and Connie Nielsen shining as the tough-bitch investigating officer, you would be forgiven for expecting a modicum of entertainment. But sadly, the whole plot soon goes MIA. When a training mission in the jungle goes horribly awry and soldiers begin capping one another, a GI-normous can of worms is opened by Travolta and Nielsen, who uncover one huge secret after another, after another, after…Our introduction to Travolta comes compliments of a shot of him readjusting his crotch, and, sadly, it all goes downhill from there. Although wildly intriguing at the start—when you haven’t a clue what’s going on—things get stale two hours later when there’s still confusion about who shot whom, and the plot devolves into a third-generation Tom Clancy transfer. Ah, if only this movie had Instinct.