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Dog Movie Previews: “Now You See Me,” “After Earth,” & “The Kings Of Summer”

Wondering what to watch this weekend? Let our movie-loving hounds help you out.

 

Now You See Me

Out May 31, Rated PG-13

 


Photo Courtesy of Summit Entertainment

 

Holly’s take:

“You know what’s a bad idea? Making your new movie’s poster look like it’s for an Ocean’s 11 sequel. Those movies sucked. This one looks like a decent bit of popcorn entertainment, though – really, what could say ‘silly fun’ better than a movie about magicians robbing banks using magic tricks? Well, I guess a big sign saying ‘silly fun’ could. Huh. Fell into my own rhetorical question trap, there.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“This is a serious suspension-of-disbelief movie – the number of twist endings we’ve heard about in this thing alone will have your eyes rolling. Still, it’s always fun to watch top talent enjoying themselves in family-friendly romps, and the talent on display here is impressive – Michael Caine, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Morgan Freeman, Isla Fisher, and everyone’s favorite Gamma-irradiated science monster, Mark Ruffalo, who, by all accounts, has the time of his life hamming it up in this one. My advice is, ignore the clumsy attempts to tie it into the current financial crisis and enjoy the sight of some of Hollywood’s finest playing at being magic Robin Hoods. FYI: My favorite magic trick is that one where someone throws the ball, but then the freakin’ ball disappears. It blows my mind every single time!”

 

Billie’s take:

“MY FAVORITE MAGIC TRICK IS MAKING SOMEONE DISAPPEAR! IT’S PRETTY EASY TO DO, IT JUST TAKES PREPARATION. FIRST, YOU’LL NEED AN AXE, A SHOVEL, TWO BAGS OF FAST-ACTING LIME, A SECLUDED SPOT IN THE WOODS, AND…DAMN IT, I HAVE TO GO, I SEEM TO BE GETTING A VERY FRANTIC PHONE CALL FROM MY DEFENSE ATTORNEY.”

 

 

 

After Earth

Out May 31, Rated PG-13

 


Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

 

Holly’s take:

“Aye-yi-yi. Remember that Tom Cruise movie that nobody cared about? This is the other dude-gets-stuck-on-Earth-in-the-future-after-everyone-else-has-been-evacuated movie, the one people care even less about. I’ll be honest, if I was, like, 5-years-old, I might get excited by this trailer – it does have people being chased by giant animals in a post-apocalyptic jungle, after all - but even that’s debatable. That’s 5 in human years, by the way – I’m not in any way suggesting this film’s for 35-year olds.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“Of all the things that annoy me in life, child actors and nepotism are definitely in my top 10, so a movie starring Will Smith’s son where he plays Will Smith’s son is automatically going to be immensely aggravating to me. Even worse news? It’s directed by M. Night Shyamalan, who hasn’t made a good film in well over a decade. If you’re a less bitter sort of dog, you or your young kids might find something to enjoy here, but frankly, I’d rather watch next door’s Rottweiler taking a giant, coiled up shit. Which, in fairness, is actually a hell of an impressive sight.”

 

Billie’s take:

“I LIKE SEAGULLS. I REALIZED THE OTHER DAY THAT I MIGHT NOT HAVE MADE THAT CLEAR BEFORE, SO, THERE YOU GO – I LIKE ‘EM. I JUST DO. I HOPE THAT CLEARS THAT UP.”

 

 

 

The Kings Of Summer

Out May 31, Rated R

 


Photo Courtesy of CBS Films

 

Holly’s take:

“If you want to skip the PG-13 crapfests this weekend, hunt down this movie – it’s a totally feel-good, makes-you-nostalgic-for-the-summers-of-your-youth, coming of age movie about three teenagers who decide to run away from home and build a house out in the woods, with absolutely none of the sentimental shite that would imply. It’s laugh-out-loud funny, heartfelt, and will make you feel warm and tingly all over. Like marking your territory on an electric fence!”

 

Dexter’s take:

“I’m with Holly on this one – this might be the movie of the summer for me. By turns tender and hilarious, it’s also beautifully shot, giving even the most (deliberately) dumb moments a Terrence Malick-like grace. Most importantly, the cast absolutely nails the dryly comic yet surprisingly touching script, and while the always-brilliant Nick Offerman (Parks & Rec’s Ron ‘Motherfucking’ Swanson) is a joy as one of the kids’ overbearing dad, the show is completely stolen by 18-year-old Moises Arias, who plays the most brilliantly weird kid I think I’ve ever seen onscreen. Not going to lie, he made me cry laughing, and as a dog, that’s not even supposed to be possible.”

 

Billie’s take:

“THIS MOVIE MADE ME FEEL LIKE THIS! ALSO: GASSY.”

 

 

See The Kings Of Summer Star Erin Moriarty's Maxim Gallery

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