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Dog Movie Previews: "Fast & Furious 6", "The Hangover Part III", And "Epic"

Maxim’s movie-previewing dogs are here to help you decide what to watch this weekend.

 

Fast & Furious 6

Out May 24, Rated PG-13

 


Photo Courtesy of Universal Pictures

 

Holly’s take:

“Look, you guys know me by now, and you know I’m physically incapable of not recommending something that’s basically “Explode-y Car Chase: The Movie.” I genuinely believe that, against all odds, this is one franchise that’s actually improved with each installment (providing you don’t count Tokyo Drift, obviously). And this trailer has so much to like: The Rock delivering a flying clothesline! Michelle Rodriguez surfing on top of a tank! Vin Diesel looking and sounding like a boiled potato! The plot seems to be about some ex-SAS dude who’s committing robberies with an F1 car in cosplay as the Batmobile, which, naturally, requires Vin’s crew to team up with The Rock’s crew so they can have more exploding car chases. As someone who chases cars every time I see them, I’m all for it.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“I’m not as into this series as Holly – I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember the first three films – but I’ve caught the last couple on TV and generally stuck around till the end, if only to see how they’re going to solve all the plot strands by driving really fast. It’s all good fun, though, and honestly, if the Transformers series used its cars even half as imaginatively as this, they would’ve been a hell of a lot better. One thing I can’t wrap my head around is that, in six films, we’ve yet to see someone drive with their head sticking out the window and their tongue hanging out, showering drool into the back seat and whimpering impatiently. How could they miss something so fundamental to the driving experience?”

 

Billie’s take:

“THIS IS THE FACE I PULL WHEN I’M IN THE FRONT OF A CAR THAT’S GOING REALLY FAST! IT’S ALSO THE FACE I PULL WHEN I’M WAITING IN LINE AT THE DMV, LISTENING TO MEGADETH, THINKING ABOUT SANDWICHES, COMTEMPLATING A SUNSET, OR WATCHING A MAN RUN OVER A SQUIRREL WITH A LAWNMOWER. THIS IS JUST MY FACE, BASICALLY.”

 

 

 

The Hangover Part III

Out May 23, Rated R

 


Photo Courtesy of Warner Bros Pictures

 

Holly’s take:

“You see this? This is the result of the last time I got drunk. What kind of inhuman monster leaves fermented fruit in the trash? Obviously I’m going to want to eat it and then fall down the stairs while trying to fight my own tail. Assholes. Anyway, talking of bad hangovers, I didn’t enjoy Hangover II as much as the first one, but this looks great – the Wolfpack gets kidnapped by gangsters and forced to track down Ken Jeong’s character, which sounds like more of a story than just ‘dudes wake up hungover again.’ So, yeah, I’m totally going to watch it, although I’ll probably wait till it comes on Netflix – it’s no fun watching things at the theater when your cone blocks the edges of the screen.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“Much like The Fast & The Furious, the original Hangover was a movie that didn’t seem like it’d ever have – or need – a sequel. But this is the world we live in, and if there isn’t a potential trilogy to be released in an extra fancy box-set, then a movie’s not going to get made. That said, the advantage of The Hangover is its ultra-likeable and talented cast, who get to do a bit more with their characters this time around. From what we’ve heard, director Todd Philips hasn’t just recycled the same plot, instead making something that goes a bit deeper, examining Alan’s (Zach Galifianakis) mental disorders and the group’s realization that they need to grow up and control their crazy drunken urges. Which all sounds kinda heavy for a movie whose previous entries have relied on full frontal nudity and inebriated silliness for laughs, but I’m guessing will come as a refreshing change of pace after the repetition of Hangover II. On a personal note, the weird thing for me when watching these films is that I’ve never actually tried alcohol. When your normal, everyday life involves running in circles, randomly humping strangers, and urinating in public, alcohol somehow doesn’t seem like such a necessary social lubricant.”

 

Billie’s take:

“YOU KNOW WHEN YOU FIND A STICKY PUDDLE SEEPING UNDER THE DOOR OF A BAR AND DRINK ALL OF IT AND THEN THE NEXT DAY IT FEELS LIKE AN ENTIRE ZOO GOT TOGETHER AND HAD A BIG POOP-FLINGING CONTEST INSIDE YOUR BRAIN? YEAH. ME TOO. PLEASE BE QUIET.”

 

 

 

Epic

Out May 24, Rated PG

 


Photo Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

 

Holly’s take:

“This looks like you average kid-friendly Saturday afternoon-waster. A kind of fantasy take on Honey I Shrunk The Kids, it’s about a young girl who gets miniaturized and finds herself caught up in a battle between the noble leaf people and the weirdo, gross bug-guys trying to destroy them. I’ll go see it if the kids force me to, but I’m not buying movie theater nachos again – you only let all 72 kids throw up in your car at the same time once, y’all.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“I’m clearly not the target audience for this, but the voice cast here is impressive: Beyoncé Knowles, Amanda Seyfried, Colin Farrell, Aziz Ansari, Judah Friedlander, Jason Sudeikis, Steven Tyler, and the always-amazing Christoph Waltz are all in this, and while there are probably better uses for those voices than animated slugs, it’s hard to ignore that level of talent in a movie. Not that the thing they’re all talented at is actually, y’know, acting, but whatever.”

 

Billie’s take:

“I DID NOT SEE THIS FILM OR READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. BUT I DID SEE A CLOUD JUST NOW THAT LOOKED LIKE ALEX TREBEK MAKING OUT WITH A MEERKAT. I HOPE YOU FIND THAT USEFUL.”

 

 

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