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Ghosts of the Abyss

Release Date: 
04/11/2003
MPAA Rating: 
MPAA: G
Star Rating: 
No Stars
Ever since Titanic obliterated box-office records in 1997, director James Cameron has been desperately trying to find a way to make a sequel, and with Ghosts of the Abyss, the crazy bastard has finally done it. In this “Immersive 3-D Adventure” showing at your local Imax theater, Cameron and friend/narrator Bill Paxton travel to the ocean floor (aided by experts, of course) to document the exploration and filming of the Titanic’s rusting hulk, which is still sitting there collecting barnacles. Along the way, a visibly terrified Bill Paxton frets about their oxygen supply, and the apparitions of the Titanic’s dead pop up to simulate what the ship was like when it was buoyant. Did we mention that this movie is in 3-D, and that Paxton’s head looks like its hovering 20 feet above his neck at all times?

To be honest, Ghosts has a lot going for it—namely, the absence of both Leonardo DiCaprio and the music of Celine Dion. The footage really is astounding, and the 3-D glasses don’t induce nausea until about halfway into the film. But are we going to recommend that you plunk down 12 bucks to see an hour-long G-rated documentary about a pompous, rotted-out cruise ship? Tell your eight-year-old nephew about this one and save your money for The Matrix sequels.