Home on the Range

Now that Pixar has cornered the market on the nondrowsy formula kiddie flick, Disney seems bent on cranking out these musicals for minors. Home on the Range boasts enough bright colors, talking animals, and musical numbers to dilate a six-year-old’s pupils for months—but that’s about it. We start with a crazy, yodeling cattle thief who’s snatching up all the land and livestock across the ole frontier. Soon, a rag-tag crew of cows, one of whom is actually voiced by Roseanne (must…resist…easy…joke…), head out to stop the bovine burglaries in order to save their ranch. From there, it’s all slapstick and silly voices—your best bet at making it through to the end would be a rousing game of “Name That Out-of-Work-Celebrity Voice-Over.” Not bad for the pre-K set, but you won’t find Nemo. Oh, and Roseanne is fat. (Ah, that’s better.)