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Icon: Woody Harrelson

Your character in Zombieland is looking for the world’s last Twinkies. As a vegan and a raw-food advocate, when’s the last time you ate one?
It’s been at least 20 years. I used to eat burgers and steak, and I would just be knocked out afterward; I had to give it up. The first thing was actually dairy. I was about 24 years old, and I had tons of acne and mucus. I met some random girl on a bus who told me to quit dairy and all those symptoms would go away three days later. By God, she was right.

People might look at your diet and your Buddhism and your weed and think you’re some weird dude activist.
A lot of people look at me as just being strange, but I’ve always looked at society as strange. On the other hand, I like cleanliness, yet I’m a total slob. I’m like half Felix and half Oscar.

Any other weaknesses?
A lot of times I have destructive self-doubt. When I’m writing, I get so strangled by my own criticisms. I have a play and two screenplays, all exactly three-quarters written. I mean, I’m a hard worker and I’m responsible, but I’m also a world-class slacker.

You’re one of very few actors who have made movies with both the Coen brothers (No Country for Old Men) and the Farrelly brothers (Kingpin). How do they compare?
Both sets of brothers are geniuses in their own way. And they can finish each other’s sentences. With the Farrellys…I’m one of those guys with a lot of ideas. Not all of them are great, but they’d always say, “Let’s try it.” The Coens were pretty locked in with the script. But I love those guys.

Outside of Hollywood, is there anyone you’d be especially excited to meet these days?
Arundhati Roy [author of The God of Small Things]. I was talking with an Indian actor at Sundance, and I asked him if he’d ever met her.

Because India’s a small country, and everybody knows each other.
Yeah, it was random, but unless you can bring Gandhi back from the ¿dead, she’s the one Indian I would most love to meet. And this guy says, “She’s a good friend of mine!” A few minutes later he hands me a cell phone. And I never talk on cell phones, but I thought, Well, I’ll talk to her.

Why don’t you talk on cell phones? Are you worried about microwaves?
The first time I used one I could just feel it. Within a few minutes my brain felt like it needed to explode.

Isn’t your character in next month’s 2012 a conspiracy theorist?
I play Charlie Frost, this kind of a talk radio guy who goes on about how the world is gonna end. I sound like a wacko at first, but then it turns out my character knows more than everyone else. It was a lot of fun.

So after 20 years and three daughters with Laura Louie, why did you finally tie the knot?

You know, some people are stubborn and can’t see the light, just clinging to their hedonism and their single lifestyle. But I finally convinced her.

Now that your oldest daughter is 16, do you find yourself becoming a stereotypical overprotective dad?
One time I was visiting Lenny Kravitz, and he was talking to his daughter Zoë—at the time she was 14. She had a really revealing outfit on. She was at the top of the stairs, and he was at ¿the bottom: “You’re not going any-where like that.” “Oh, yes, I am.” “Oh, no, you’re not.” To see this whole discourse with this guy who has done it all—it just made me laugh. Little did ¿I know the clock was ticking for me.

What were you like at their age? Were you a jock in high school?
I don’t know, maybe equal parts jock and dork. You know? I was a jork.

Did Cheers make it easier to get girls?
I was never really great at talking to girls. I felt pretty shy. I still do. Last night at dinner this beautiful waitress came up, and I couldn’t talk at all. So I can’t credit myself with being some suave guy. But it’s amazing what a high TVQ rating will do for you.

Did you make any outrageous purchases once you became a star?
Actually, right around the time I began doing Cheers, I bought this used Porsche, the same one Tom Cruise had in Risky Business. On the first night, some guy pulled a gun and tried to carjack me. I was so scared I dropped the keys, and this guy’s got a gun pointed at me, counting to five. He got to four, and I’m like “I can’t find ’em!” Finally he just ran off.

Do you still find yourself getting caught up in superficial stuff?

No, these days I drive a dirty white VW Bug. In terms of other things, sure. I wish I was better looking, I wish I had more hair, I wish I had been in Mensa. I always just felt like a bum who ended up coming into some money. But in terms of my mentality, I just really like being irresponsible.