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Joe Dirt

Release Date: 
Star Rating: 
2 out of 10
It’s a freakin’ wig! You find out 10 minutes into this train wreck that Joe Dirt’s über-mullet is, in fact, a wig. If we have to explain why that sucks and why that’s indicative of how lame this movie is…well, you might find this movie amusing.

Joe Dirt is like a fifth grader telling a joke in front of the class—the longer it goes on, the more incoherent and unfunny it gets. Random things are thrown in, and eventually you just want the poor kid to sit down and shut up already. David Spade is totally at a loss with the character, as if somewhere between Spade’s accepting the role of a white-trash loser and “Action!” a massive brain hemorrhage befell everyone involved with the project.

Amazingly, Dennis Miller manages to throw in one or two funny lines (most likely ad libbed). And, thankfully, the beautiful Brittany Daniel (God’s gift to cut-off-jean shorts) graces this flop. The woman has a bod you could bounce a hubcap off of. The mind-bogglingly hot Jaime Pressly appears only to, sadly, perpetuate her rep for hooking up with trollish guys in every film she’s in (first Horatio Sanz in Tomcats, now David Spade? Who’s she going to shag next, Abe Vigoda?). And, lastly, we were fabulously entertained by the sight of Christopher Walken threatening to stab Kid Rock in the face with a soldering iron. But none of these high points make Dirt worth shelling out for.

One final bitchslap: Exactly how many movies are going to be forced to feature Carson Daly and TRL? Will MTV please stop dry-humping the entertainment world? Daly either has a great agent or has sucked enough cock to ensure him honorable mention at next year’s Player’s Ball. Enough already.