Some hot ladies are back on the market, thanks to our good friend divorce. Check out these gorgeous girls who have recently untied the knot.
2. Jessica Simpson- Ex: 98 Degrees alum and brother of the guy who won Dancing With the Stars last year, Nick Lachey
How to land her: Lay off the crooning, visors, and hair gel, then beat the crap out of her creepy sleazebag of a dad and you're golden.
3. Carmen Electra- Ex: Sexually ambiguous Red Hot Chili Peppers/Jane's Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro
How to land her: The stable of guys who have been in Carmen's bed ranges from Prince to Dennis Rodman, so there's no surefire way to seal the deal. But we suggest trying the dyed hair and nose ring before you bust out the assless yellow pants.
4. Sara Evans- Ex: Craig Schelske, longtime husband, aspiring politician, and alleged porn aficionado
How to land her: As a contestant on ABC's Dancing With the Stars and a spokesperson for National Eating Disorders Association, Evans will probably appreciate a man that can bust a move on the dance floor while delicately placing deep-fried chicken strips on her watering tongue. Since she recently divorced an alleged smut surfer, we also suggest clearing your computer's history.
1. Jenna Fischer- Ex: Writer/director James Gunn
How to land her: Though she's the up-and-coming comedy starlet of the moment, Fischer is a down-to-earth Midwestern gal at heart. Chances are she's sick of all the glamour that went hand in hand with being married to the screenwriter of such insta-classics as Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, so be sure to wear your earnestness on your sleeve and pepper your speech with a heap load of "aw shuckses."
5. Kate Hudson- Ex: Former Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson
How to land her: Chances are Kate is tired of laying down with a guy who weighs less than she does, so hit the gym, or at least the buffet. Also, if you're the singer for another crappy band that was popular in the '90s, you'd best move on down the list. We're looking at you, guy from Spin Doctors.
6. Emilie de Ravin- Ex: Joshua Janowicz, two-bit TV/film actor you've never heard of
How to land her: Aside from being Lost's whiniest cast member, de Ravin also hails from Australia. After being married to a Yankee, she'll probably be on the hunt for a macho dude who constantly brags about how "laid-back" he is, "mate." We suggest adding an inane "y" to every word in your vocabulary—as in, "how 'bout I make you a little breaky (breakfast for you nonnatives) tomorrow morning after we wake up, Emilie?"—as well as demonstrating a willingness to swim with stingrays.
7. Heather Locklear- Ex: Hair metal icon Richie Sambora. He was in Bon Jovi!
How to land her: At this point in her life, Heather is still as hot as humanly possible, but all of her wild oats have been sewed. Drop the bad boy act and the denim jacket—seriously, it makes you look like you're on your way to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert—and prove to her that you're a safe bet. Leather-elbowed jacket and pipe optional, but suggested.
8. Reese Witherspoon- Ex: Curly haired chick magnet and Cruel Intentions costar Ryan Phillippe
How to land her: Reese is a nice, wholesome girl from Louisiana, so we can only guess that she goes for the biggest jerk she can find. If you meet her, tell her she was "pretty good in Walk the Line," but that Joaquin Phoenix really carried the movie. That should be backhanded enough to make her think you're a jerk, but calm enough to keep the restraining orders away. Plus, it would probably help to have a last name people knew how to friggin' pronounce.
9. Shanna Moakler- Ex: Blink-182/+44/Transplants drummer Travis Barker
How to land her: She's coming out of a marriage with a heavily tattooed rocker, so your best bet is going to be the sweet, sensitive approach. When a girl's gone through a few years of the hard rock lifestyle, she's usually ready to settle down with a nice guy in a sweater.
10. Padma Lakshmi- Ex: Dog-pig infidel Salman Rushdie
How to land her: Since her ex-husband still has a fatwa on his head for The Satanic Verses and was 23 years her senior, she's probably looking for a nice devout Islamic boy in his late teens.
11. Denise Richards- Ex: Everyone's favorite john, Charlie Sheen
How to land her: This divorce proved that not even a super-successful sitcom can save a marriage plagued with infidelity. Make her believe that she'll be the only girl in your life. Then when she finds out about the hookers, get ready for the restraining order.
12. Dita Von Teese- Ex: Shock, crock, mock, sock, dock, flock, knock rocker Marilyn Manson
How to land her: Stop wearing makeup, take off the synthetic latex bodysuit, and start quoting the Bible. You'll part her lily white legs like Moses parted the Red Sea.
13. Whitney Houston- Ex: The unstoppable R&B powerhouse Bobby Brown, who can be seen here singing "Monster Mash" with Mike Tyson
How to land her: Whitney's not exactly at her hottest right now, but if you're still interested in being her rebound fling, our only advice to you is keep it real. And don't mention Kevin Costner… She's still a little touchy about that.
14. Hilary Swank- Ex: Rob Lowe's brother, Chad. Also known as the guy who cried when his wife won an Oscar
How to land her: She's serious about working out, but met her first husband at the gym, so that's probably not the best place to make your move. He was also six years older than she, so this is your chance, for those of you who are pushing 30. Do us a favor, though, don't blow that chance by using the pickup line, "Hey, aren't you that dude from Boys Don't Cry?"
15. Britney Spears- Ex: The artist formerly known as K-Fed and currently known as Fed-Ex, Kevin Federline
How to land her: After a little more than two years of supporting Kevin's hip-hop habit, we're betting that Brit's looking for someone with a 401k and a five-year plan that in no way involves "gettin' jiggy." A good dry rub recipe wouldn't hurt either.