So you're gearing up for a weekend spent in the dark with your girl—before you load up that NetFlix queue or get online at Blockbuster, you need to have a solid, foolproof game plan.
That's where we come in.
Allow us to present our weekly DVD-siac Movie Three-Pack, a collection of recent releases and old favorites that we guarantee will get you lucky this weekend, in one way or another.
THE CHICK FLICK YOU CAN TOLERATE
Plan A: Show your sensitive side…within reason. Grab a "chick flick" that at least has some redeeming value so that you can stay awake along enough for her to reward your gallant show of sensitivity. This week, we recommend:
The Proposal
Yes, this is Sandra Bullock flogging yet another in a long series of rom-com dead horses, but we have two words that make this movie (just barely) watchable: Betty and White. There's really nothing funnier than batshit old ladies, and Betty is rapidly becoming the #1 go-to (with some stiff competition from Cloris Leachman, of course). And, honestly, give your lady a chance to ogle Ryan Reynolds' abs. You owe her for, well, everything you watch on TV ever.
THE GUY FLICK SHE CAN TOLERATE
Plan B: She has a headache, she has to get up early, her football injury is acting up - in short, you're looking at a dry night ahead. But, hey, you still want to spend some time together, so forgo the romance and put something that leans a little more on the "guy" side without leaving her in the cold. This week, we recommend:
Drag Me To Hell
A recent poll showed that horror flicks like The Ring and The Grudge were pulling in an audience that was 60% female--so it's not that she hates the genre, she probably just hates the gorno. Well, Sam Raimi's old school chiller should be perfect for both of you. A back-to-basics haunted house ride, it'll have her curling up next to you in no time.
YOUR MOVIE
Plan C: That yawn means, "I'm getting some beauty rest, so why don't you put that diving rod of yours on ice and watch something without me?" The downside: No sex. The upside: You can watch the movie you really wanted to watch, her feelings or interest level be damned. This week, we recommend:
Army of Darkness: Screwhead Edition
...of course, if you're left to your own devices, you might want to get down with Raimi at his goofiest. Army of Darkness, the third in the Evil Dead series, might have her rolling her eyes but it never fails to have us rolling in the aisles. It's like Night of the Living Dead meets Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, which would be awesome even without Bruce Campbell.