These flicks prove that as long as you're in movies, women will date you. Even if you're a horribly disfigured swamp creature.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame-
Couple: Quasimodo and Esmeralda
Bedroom awkwardness level: 3 (It's not a hump, it's a fuel tank for a love machine.)
Some people may consider calling ol' Quasi a "monster" politically incorrect, but if he didn't live in the movies, a guy who looks like that would have about as much chance as the blob when it comes to landing a girl like Esmeralda. If he was rich we could believe it, but last time we checked, deformed bell ringers don't drive Ferrari Enzos.
The Toxic Avenger-
Couple: The Toxic Avenger and Sara
Bedroom awkwardness level: 6 (He's ribbed, but not for her pleasure.)
There's an important lesson that can be learned from this movie: Girls would rather date a guy who is horribly deformed and famous than a wimp. So if you're having trouble getting anywhere with the ladies, try dumping a bucket of toxic waste on yourself. It'll either turn you into a lumpy green superhero with a steady girlfriend or kill you. It's win-win.
Couple: Ann Darrow and King Kong
Bedroom awkwardness level: 10 (King Kong's not a player, but he crushes a lot…of people with his huge monkey balls.)
Since Peter Jackson's remake, we've been trying to use the King Kong method to pick up girls. The basic strategy is to grab her and climb up the side of a tall building, grunting and crapping the whole way. The success rate isn't great, but it's cheaper than going to the movies. Plus, you're way more likely to get that good-night kiss if she's seen you swat down a few helicopters first.
Couple: The Incredible Hulk and Betty Ross
Bedroom awkwardness level: 5 (In this case, make-up sex is a bad idea.)
There are lots of Marvel superheroes that have trouble when it comes to intimacy, but the Hulk's main squeeze definitely got a bum deal. At least with the Thing or Silver Surfer, their smooth crotches mean there's no chance for sexy time. But Betty could start getting hot with Bruce Banner, only to have him whack his leg on the nightstand and turn into a big green Barry Bonds mid-nookie.
Couple: Herman and Lily
Bedroom awkwardness level: 1 (These freaks aren't afraid to get freaky.)
Some would argue that Lily was a monster, too, since her dad was a vampire and her last name was Dracula. But you never actually saw her drink any blood, so we're going to assume she was really into clothes from Hot Topic. Regardless, Lily was a good wife for Herman because she was caring, understanding, and didn't mind that he was made of body parts stolen from corpses.
Couple: Swamp Thing (Dr. Alec Holland) and Alice Cable
Bedroom awkwardness level: 9 (It's hard to find a girl looking to get into a guy's plants.)
Like the Toxic Avenger, Swampy was once a normal dude. But even after a failed experiment turned him into a gross pile of plant matter, Alice stuck around to give him water and fertilizer. Later, their relationship came to a sad end when she caught him cheating with a sexy young ficus.
Beauty and the Beast-
Couple: Belle and Beast
Bedroom awkwardness level: 4 (Watch the claws, big guy.)
Disney has more than dabbled in monster-on-human relations—no matter how hot she was, the Little Mermaid's fish body qualifies her as a monster in our book—but this hookup is the most disturbing. Things get even creepier when you consider they probably had a whole bunch of teapots with eyeballs and talking candles watching them when they bumped furries.
Aliens vs. Predator-
Couple: Predator and Alexa Woods
Bedroom awkwardness level: 7 (Get to Planned Parenthood, now!)
There was a moment in the first AVP when we expected Alexa to grab the Predator by the back of his slimy head and plant a kiss on his suspiciously vagina-like mouth. Thankfully, they didn't consummate their unspoken love, but the longing look they share before laying waste to gooey aliens has no place in a middling action flick. Do us a favor, Hollywood: Keep your love stories out of our alien slaughterfests.
Couple: The Fly and Veronica Quaife
Bedroom awkwardness level: 8 (It's not a skin flick if only one of them has skin.)
At first, Seth Brundle's botched experiment gave him more bedroom prowess than three dozen oysters and half a bottle of Viagra. Sadly, all of his skin fell off shortly after. But even when Jeff Goldblum's good looks deteriorated and he turned into a huge murderous insect, Geena Davis stood by his side. We hope our girl's as understanding when we put on 30 pounds over St. Patrick's Day weekend.