How to score with the opposite sex is man's greatest mystery, in Hollywoodland or otherwise, but the following list of cinematic spazoids should certainly be regarded as a source of inspiration for all of us.
Kyle Edwards, <em>Road Trip</em>- The cross-country coed lost his cherry to a girl who shops at the big-'n'-tall shop, but who can blame him? It's a hella long drive from Boston to Austin.
Taj Mahal Badalandabad, <em>National Lampoon's Van Wilder</em>- He may have been the star in the franchise sequel, but in the first installment of the series Taj had to use lunchroom ingredients to get hotties inside his pants.
Scott Howard, <em>Teen Wolf</em>- If being Mr. Nice Guy or working at your old man's hardware store doesn't get the girl, metaphysically transforming into an oversize pubescent Ewok should do the trick.
Reed Richards, a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic, <em>Fantastic Four</em>- We never actually see this geek have sex, but he does manage to convince Jessica Alba to marry him. That has to be worth something.
Jeff, <em>Grandma's Boy</em>- The button-up pajamas and race car bed keep this lispy gamer's libido in check…for one golden girl, anyway.
Finch, <em>American Pie</em>- Finch's fondness for golf and his knowledge of the fine arts get all the high school girls hot for his cargo shorts. Or it could be that he paid top dollar to have rumors spread about his allegedly oversize package.
Fogell, a.k.a. McLovin, <em>Superbad</em>- Our most recent four-eyed fellow featured on the silver screen manages to pass himself off as an intoxicated military veteran at a senior party, and the chicks totally dig it.
Louis Skolnick, <em>Revenge of the Nerds</em>- Pretending to be someone else while having sex with someone is considered sexual assault in most states. In the movies, it gets you the hottest girlfriend in the entire college.
Wyatt Donnelly, <em>Weird Science</em>- Some nerds build their own robots. Other nerds build their own woman—while wearing bras on their heads. Those are the nerds you want to invite to your next party.
Farmer Ted, <em>Sixteen Candles</em>- John Hughes' cameras never confirmed that this king of the dweebs bagged a babe—not just any, but Caroline Mulford (Haviland Morris), the school's finest. Then again, the brace-face did wake up with her the following morning. Thus, at the very least, he made it to first base, which counts as a grand slam in any dork's book.
Kenny Fisher, <em>Can't Hardly Wait</em>- If you ever want to get a little nookie, just lock yourself in a bathroom with a cast member from Six Feet Under. It's a surefire ticket to poundtown, even if you're a puny redheaded dork.