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Movie Preview Time: Do You Feel The Need For Speed?

What should you see this weekend – Identity Thief, A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III, or Top Gun in IMAX 3D? Our dogs help decide!

Identity Thief
Out Feb 8, Rated R


Photo Courtesy of Universal Pictures

Holly's take:

“Not gonna lie: Dumb slapstick is right up there for me with mindless action shoot-em-ups in the ‘Yep, totally going to watch that’ category. Jason Bateman’s always good (even when he’s in utter crap like Hancock), and Melissa McCarthy’s diarrhea scene totally stole the show in Bridesmaids for me, so I have a feeling this’ll be entertaining. Hit and miss, for sure, but still more entertaining than my usual Saturday afternoon of watching my owner jerking off in front of the TV. I mean, dude – I’m right there in the room. Can’t you go upstairs or something? Jeez.”

Dexter's take:

“This is a great idea for a comedy – an ordinary, working dude gets his identity stolen and has to track down the thief in order to clear his name – and it’s perfectly cast, too, with Bateman as the exasperated every man and McCarthy as the ballsy, out of control, should-have-her-own-trashy-reality-show criminal. That said, this just doesn’t look like it’ll deliver, so I’m not going to pay to see it. By which I mean I’ll watch it on Netflix, I don’t mean I’m going to sneak into the cinema. That never works for me – I can never find someone to carry me on the escalator.”

Billie's take:

“I LOST MY IDENTITY ONCE. I DIDN’T GET MY I.D. STOLEN OR ANYTHING – I JUST TOOK EIGHT PEYOTE BUTTONS AND SPENT A WEEK THINKING I WAS ETHEL MERMAN.”



A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III
Out Feb 8, Rated R


Photo Courtesy of FilmBuff

Holly's take:

“You know those movies that look like they’re just trying way too hard to make you think they’re original and different and quirky and just gosh-darn-it adorable? Yeah…this seems like one of those. The cast has me intrigued, but this smells like disappointment to me (for those without a dog’s keen nose, disappointment smells like a recently-divorced man eating Taco Bell in front of a Raiders game).” 

Dexter's take:

This movie’s been on Maxim’s radar for a while, and despite the obviously forced quirkiness, I don’t know if I can resist the combination of Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Aubrey Plaza, Patricia Arquette, and a post-meltdown Charlie Sheen. The plot itself – something about Sheen trying to come to terms with his problems through elaborate fantasies – just seems like an excuse to cram in as much weirdness as possible (the male stars as cowboys being chased by sexy Indians, etc.), but fuck it, I love Wes Anderson movies and this is clearly striving to be one, so I’ll try it out. You have to keep an open mind, right? That’s what my cousin Scuppers used to say, anyway. Of course, it was easy for him - he had a hole in his skull from a hunting accident.”

Billie's take:

“THIS IS THE MOST SENSE ANY MOVIE HAS EVER MADE TO ME, EVER."



Top Gun IMAX 3D
Out Feb 8, Rated PG


Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Holly's take:

“If you’re a Top Gun fan – and if you aren’t, we’re probably not likely to ever be friends – then you’re in for a treat, as they’re releasing it for one week only (Feb 8 – 13) in IMAX 3D. That means all your favorite bits, in eye-melting, hi-def pokey-out-of-the-screen vision! Personally, I’m just going to set my cell phone on vibrate and then settle down to enjoy the volleyball scene. If you hear howling, please don’t interrupt.”

Dexter's take:

“This is a serious confession coming from someone paid to write about movies every week, but… I’ve never actually seen Top Gun. Well, what do you want from me? They only pay me in dog biscuits, for goodness sake. Anyway, if you want to see Tom Cruise at what I believe is supposed to be his absolute Tom Cruise-iest, this is your chance.”

Billie's take:

“I FEEL THE NEED – THE NEED FOR SPEED! ACTUALLY, STRICTLY SPEAKING, IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE SPEED - ANY OF THE METHYLPHENETHYLAMINE CLASS OF DRUGS WOULD DO.”



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Annet Mahendru