We don't mind product placement in movies if it's for cool stuff we can't find at our local Target.

<strong>3. Brawndo (<em>Idiocracy</em>)</strong>- It's more than an energy drink, it's the last liquid humanity will ever need (the secret? electrolytes!) We'd love to see one of these watered-down fruit punches rise above the rest and conquer. Maybe then we can sit through a single televised sporting event without 20 or 30 commercials shilling variations on the same thing. "But this one's blue! This one's green! This one kinda tastes like kiwi if you hold your nose and scrape off your taste buds with a paring knife!"

<strong>2. Hoverboards (<em>Back to the Future Part II</em>)</strong>- When BTTF2 first came out, it was rumored that Mattel actually produced working hoverboards and planned to release them around the opening of the movie. It turned out to be an urban legend; but we'd still love to get our hands on one. Imagine blowing past some wuss on a Segway—even on a bright pink skate deck you look infinitely cooler than he ever will.

<strong>1. Duff Beer (<em>The Simpsons</em>)</strong>- OK, so it's really nothing more than straight-up hops and barley, but imagine being able to go to your favorite bar and order an actual Duff beer. Or being able to stock your fridge with those classic orange and yellow cans. You've already got the balding, the gut, the dead-end job, and the lack of basic motor functions like Homer Simpson. You might as well have his drink, too.

<strong>10. Soul Glo (<em>Coming to America</em>)</strong>- "Just let your soooooooul gloooooow, baby!" Even if you have "good hair," you can't help but be seduced by Soul Glo. Maybe it's the commercial: Elegant, soft focus, smooth R&B, and what appears to be two mops engaged in a wrestling match. That's class in a bottle, baby. Just take Eriq La Salle's word for it.

<strong>9. Vapoorizer (<em>Envy</em>)</strong>- Don't ask where the dog shit goes once it disappears (Pssst…it's in the script), just imagine being able to walk your dog without a Rite Aid bag full of digested Alpo in your hand. Plus, next time you step in poo, you won't have to scrape your dress shoes against a curb (or sleeping homeless person) again!

<strong>8. Gleemonex (<em>Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy</em>)</strong>- A single pill that can cure anything from depression to closet gayness? We'd marvel at the imagination of the Kids, but you know the FDA already has this drug locked away in a vault somewhere. The side effects aren't a concern either—we wouldn't mind being stuck forever in our happiest memory ("Sorry, Ms. Alba, we didn't know the dressing room door was unlocked.")

<strong>7. Opti-Grab Glasses (<em>The Jerk</em>)</strong>- The Opti-Grab glasses are just the right mix of practical and Elton John–flamboyant (which, funny enough, also sums up America in the late '70s/early '80s), and Navin Johnson was the first to prove that you don't need "smarts" to be a genius. It's true. Apparently, Steve Jobs only learned to read a standard watch face two years ago.

<strong>6. Magnavolt Car Defense System (<em>RoboCop 2</em>)</strong>- You can have your whiny-ass car alarms that only work at 3 a.m. when no one is within eight miles of your Prius. The Magnavolt traps potential car thieves and juices them like a three-time offender in Texas. The bonus is that you can shove the corpse into the passenger seat and take the car pool lane home! Nice!

<strong>5. Fizzy Lifting Drinks (<em>Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory</em>)</strong>- The only other drink that makes us feel like we're floating is a killer cocktail our cousin makes with Jägermeister and meth, so we'd gladly fork over some cash for Willy Wonka's brew. Why is this more appealing than, say, gum that tastes like a full meal or a chocolate river filled with fat German kids? Because we live in a fifth-floor walk-up and we're very, very lazy. Also, German kids repeat on us like crazy.

<strong>4. Silver Shamrock Halloween Masks (<em>Halloween III: Season of the Witch</em>)</strong>- What they lack in selection (you get three choices: Pumpkin, Skull, and Witch), Silver Shamrock Halloween masks more than make up for in hot, face-melting death. That ever-present specter of horrifying death is just the sort of thing you need to spice up your trick-or-treating. It's sure better than playing Russian roulette by actually eating that hand-wrapped caramel given to you by that old lady down the block. The one with all the cats…and the bodies.