Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Rating: 
Reviewed by: John Devore
Directed by: Shawn Levy
The Skinny: It's been a couple years since we last left night watchmen Larry Daley (Ben Stiller), one of the only people who knows the New York City Museum of Natural History's secret. At night, a magical Egyptian tablet (because there is no other kind) breathes life into the museum's collection of historical waxworks and artifacts. In the ensuing time, Larry has quit his job, become successful, and now in this sequel to the 2006 hit, is on a mission to rescue his magical friends, who have been shipped to The Smithsonian in Washington DC, from three reincarnated historical villains.
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The Good: It's a kids' movie. So, like, if you're a kid, you might dig it. If you're a parent with a kid, you might dig it. If you're a degenerate, video-game playing, bong-sucking dude who digs boobs, beer, and bacon…well maybe this isn't your thing. But if you pass out in a gutter and inexplicably wake up in a theater chair as Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian rolls, you might think the special effects are cool, and the mild history lessons informative, and you might even chuckle at the comedy all-star cast assembled. None of these, of course, are certainties.
The Bad: It's one of those kid flicks that thinks kids are dumb. This is unfortunate, since this franchise has a built-in braininess to it, and a "history is awesome" ethic. But let's talk about the cast. No flick in recent memory has had more comedy heavyweights, and the sheer amount of laugh muscle here becomes a weakness, as so much of it seems squandered and misspent. Besides stars Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, there's Ricky Gervais, Hank Azaria, Bill Hader, Steve Coogan, Christopher Guest and Robin Williams. That's a lot of ha-ha. But it's crowded, and that much talent in one place has a diluting effect.
Tantalizing tidbit: Any art museum worth its salt would never hang paintings alongside photography. I mean, really Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian? Everybody knows that. You just pissed off the curator demo.
See in the theater, DVD, or in five years on TNT: If you're a history nerd in touch with his inner-child, rent it.
The Girlfriend Experience
Rating: 
Reviewed by: Eric Alt
Directed by: Steven Soderbergh
The Skinny: A high-end call girl (Sasha Grey) who specializes in "the girlfriend experience" (not just sex, but dinner, conversation, and, presumably, an annoying roommate and a cat) lives and works in Manhattan at the tail end of 2008.
The Good: Soderbergh made waves by casting real life porn star Grey but, sadly, that backstory is more interesting than what ends up onscreen. Soderbergh deserves kudos for taking breaks in between Ocean's sequels to indulge his inner indie filmmaker, but…
The Bad: …Girlfriend, like some of his others, tends to verve more into self-indulgence than audience engagement. The idea of having a movie about sex starring a real porn star that is actually tasteful and not at all exploitative or explicit is intriguing, but the movie ends up being as cold, bland, and disinterested as its amateur actress lead. The point Soderbergh is making—that every transaction, even emotional ones, are ultimately financial—not only isn't a new concept, but it is beaten to death throughout Girlfriend's running time with all the subtlety (but none of the energy) of a neon sign. File under: Career footnote.
The Company of Glenn: The only time the movie comes close to showing a pulse is during a genuinely funny cameo by former Premiere film critic Glenn Kenny, here playing a sleaze who "reviews" call girls in exchange for freebies. A quick Google search will show you hundreds of videos of Grey doing triple anal and she doesn't look nearly as disgusted as she does sitting on a couch with Kenny.
Theater, DVD, or TNT in Five Years? This ain't coming to TNT, but, honestly, you could miss it entirely and not "miss it," if you know what we mean.
Terminator Salvation
Rating: 
Reviewed by: Eric Alt
Directed by: McG
The Skinny: Set in the year 2018, Terminator Salvation fleshes out what had previously been glimpsed in passing in the original Terminator trilogy—the war between man and machines and the birth of the resistance behind a haunted man named John Connor (Christian Bale).
The Good: Compared to the original trilogy, Salvation feels like a completely different movie, and that's a good thing. Comparisons are inevitable, so McG wisely sets his take apart by making it more of a war flick than a technological cat and mouse game. The script plods like a rusty T-600, but the action scenes (in particular a sequence that starts out on foot, becomes an intense truck-vs-motorcycles road chase, and segues without stopping for breath into an aerial dogfight) are impressive and, honestly, what you're in the theater for in the first place. And the story problems are part and parcel of the Terminator timeline—anyone who claims that Salvation lacks continuity is clearly viewing the older movies through rose-colored memories. This story has had gaping holes long before McG came along. And there's no need to overthink this. The original Terminator was a well done B-movie. That's all. This is an enjoyable sci-fi action flick. That's all. Isn't that enough? It was never going to top T2, but then again, neither did T3.
The Bad: Like we said, the script is fucking dumb (Moon Bloodgood suffers the worst at its hands, and someone forgot to even write a character for Bryce Dallas Howard), but most of it can, and should, be shrugged off. Hell, it even has a climactic "villain monologue" where the nefarious plan is explained in great detail to the hero—it would have seemed right at home in a word bubble above Dr. Doom's head. But, again, it's all in good fun.
We Got Jokes: The movie is loaded with nods and winks, which range from cheesy (Guns 'N Roses' "You Could Be Mine"?) to fun (a nicely timed "I'll be back") to really impressive (Watch T2 and note the scar above Connor's left eye in the opening flashforward sequence. You actually see how he gets it—McG did his homework on that one).
Theater, DVD, or TNT in Five Years? Go see this in a theater, because it is LOUD in the way a good summer action flick should be. Don't nitpick. Just enjoy.