The Skulls

Reviewed by:
Eric Alt

An orphaned boy named Luke leaves his hometown in search of adventure and glory, only to be seduced by dark forces that threaten his life and the lives of his friends. Wow, déjà vu. Unfortunately, though, we’re not talking Luke Skywalker here, but Luke McNamara (WB alum Joshua Jackson), a bland college kid in a third-rate thriller.

Luke’s a troubled kid from the wrong side of the tracks who makes good, goes to an Ivy League school, and gets tapped by a mysterious organization known as The Skulls. Inspired by Yale’s infamous Skull & Bones club, The Skulls is an elite “secret society” that promises their members the world. All they ask in return is absolute obedience and a lien on their immortal souls. (It’s much like working for Fox). How bad is it? Midway through, we starting paying close attention to the gentle flit-flit-flit of the projector, which was actually more interesting than this laughable mess.

Nothing works, from the bizarre soft-porn lighting (what is this, Emmanuelle at Yale?) to the clunky dialogue, reminiscent of an after-school special. Even the action sucks. The mostly teen audience we saw it with (that would be the target audience) was laughing—at it, not with it—through the entire thing. By the time you meet the head Skull, Darth Coach (Craig T. Nelson), you’re about ready to run out and browse the concession stand. The Skulls are supposed to provide the “thrill” element to this so-called “thriller,” but their antics make the Omega frat in Animal House look like the KKK. Their sinister doings amount to little more than practical jokes. In fact, after being clobbered by the godawful dialogue and utterly pointless scenes, you may find yourself shouting, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?”

The film ends with a duel (not a lightsaber duel, though we wouldn’t have been surprised) and Luke’s redemption. But the kicker comes when another Skull honcho—Darth Senator—approaches Luke with a familiar proposition: “You and I can rule the Skulls together!” (Should George Lucas be getting royalties from this?) Avoid this film like you would avoid, um, Dawson’s Creek.

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