Swordfish

Reviewed by:
Eric Alt

Swordfish contains what is likely to become the No. 1 nerd wet dream of all time: An evil ex-government op (John Travolta) puts the “world’s greatest hacker” (X-Men’s Hugh Jackman) to the test. Forced to crack a highly guarded government code in 60 seconds, he must do so with two shots of tequila in his system, a gun pressed to his temple, and—wait for it—a voluptuous vixen working his member like Satchmo. You can almost hear computer geeks in the audience thanking God that someone has finally read their Penthouse Forum letters. Unfortunately, the rest of Swordfish becomes nothing more than a vaguely entertaining, but muddled, notch in the ever-declining career of Travolta.

Spy meets hacker in a plot to steal $9 billion. (You can almost hear Dr. Evil, can’t you?) Jackman’s good-guy character tries to rescue his daughter from her porn-tycoon stepfather, but gets seduced by a “who’s side is she on?” femme fatale, played with kit-shedding abandon by Halle Berry. (Her topless scene will give drooling fanboys their only chance to ogle Storm’s breasts until Paul Verhoeven takes over the X-Men franchise.) Although Jackman and the always-reliable Don Cheadle do their best with what they’re given, Swordfish staggers through an utterly ridiculous and confusing second half that makes it more laughable than enjoyable.

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