Hide and Seek

Reviewed by:
Paul Ulane

There's nothing wrong with imaginary friends (we couldn't have gotten through college without ours), but when that imagined companion goes homicidal, it's time to look into getting a real sidekick—or making a movie. Hide and Seek attempts the latter, focusing on the relationship between Emily (Dakota Fanning) and her imaginary friend, Charlie, whom she creates after her mother commits suicide. To diffuse the trauma, Emily's father, psychologist David (Robert De Niro), moves them to a spooky, isolated country house in upstate New York, setting the stage for unspeakable horrors we couldn't wait to behold. And…um, we're still waiting. Once up in the woods, Emily fends off peer pressure from real humans and builds a stronger relationship with Charlie—including mutilated dolls, pet murders, and one-sided games of hide and seek. In between worried conversations with his daughter, David suffers from chronic nightmares that awaken him in the middle of the night, resulting in our suffering through another movie that mistakes slow hallway walks for horror. Soon, the film unravels into a flimsy patchwork of horror movie clichés that would struggle to scare a drunken, skinny-dipping teen who's just had sex. This should put an end to Dakota Fanning's career as a brunette, while this is De Niro's worst work since his last American Express spot. Unless you want more time to yourself, we don't suggest recommending this to any of your friends—real, imagined, or Canadian.

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