Bad News Bears

Reviewed by:
Pete Hammond

There's some good news about Bad News Bears, and his name is Billy Bob Thornton. The hilarious, beer-swilling, rat-exterminating little league coach makes Walter Matthau's 1976 version look like Mike Krzyzewski at a Promise Keepers rally. Thornton's coach is the kind of dude who takes the kiddies to Hooters after a game, encourages them to lie to their parents, plies them with phony liquor, and leads a sing-a-long to Eric Clapton’s "Cocaine." (And to think, all your coach did was buy a couple of melting Popsicles.) What kind of inspirational advice does he have for the team? “Stay away from crack or you’ll wind up in prison with a guy named Big Blue branding his initials into your ass!” Sure, the coach might not have a soul, but the movie still has a heart, sticking close to the plot of the original and proving even ragtag losers can be winners when it counts. It's clear this isn't your father's Bad News Bears, mostly because Thornton says things like, “I’ve got half a mind to find your father and kick him in the nuts so hard he can’t ever foul the Earth with a kid like you again.” If only little A-Rod had reaped such guidance.

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