10,000 B.C.

Reviewed by:
Eric Alt

Directed by: Roland Emmerich

What it Promises:
The director whose resume teeters between watchable crap (Independence Day, The Patriot) and total crap (The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla) takes on cavemen. Or something kinda like cavemen-bad actors in dreadlocks.

What it Delivers:
Another "total crap" notch on the Emmerich bedpost. 10,000 B.C. should have been an easy excuse for tons of crazy action-after all, this was supposedly an age when all people did was grunt and kill things. Instead, you get two hours of people in wicker clothing walking through all four seasons (and maybe a fifth or sixth) talking…and talking…and talking.

Best Part:
The giant, pre-historic turkeys. At one point, our heroes are attacked by 10-feet tall, half-plucked Purdue Oven Stuffers. The effects are lame, the "monsters" lamer, and the end of the sequence boring. But hey, it was the only time something actually happened. Don't get us started on the sabertooth tiger that appears for 2-seconds, sniffs a guy, then leaves. AND IS NEVER SEEN AGAIN.

Worth the money?
Not if your house was on fire and you had 2 hours to kill before the fire department arrived.

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