The Love Guru

Reviewed by:
Eric Alt

Directed by: Marco Schnabel

The Skinny: An American raised on an ashram in India, Guru Pitka (Mike Myers), wants to unseat Deepak Chopra as the world's number one celebrity self-help life coach. When the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs (Jessica Alba) asks his help with a brokenhearted superstar (Romany Malco), Pitka sees his chance to finally get on Oprah.

The Good: Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan play a pair of Hockey Night in Canada play-by-play guys, and their scenes offer the only laughs in the entire movie. Know why?

The Bad: Because Mike Myers thinks you're an idiot. When the movie isn't recycling tired Austin Powers sex jokes (or stealing them outright from…Caroline Rhea?!), it's shoveling endless poop, piss, and booger jokes as if Myers' target demo is 4-years-olds. The laziness is as obvious as Romany Malco's inability to skate.

Fantasy League: Wait, the Stanley Cup Finals pit the L.A. Kings against the Maple Leafs? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…sorry, but…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OK, that's the funniest joke in the movie.

Theater, DVD, or TNT in Five Years? The best self-help advice we can give is to not bother.

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