See? I don't hate everything. Over the past year, I've handed out a few four, four-and-a-half, and five star ratings - now let's see which one's I'll regret forever!
Movie: Iron Man
Star Rating: 4 1/2 stars
I Said: "Iron Man is nearly note-perfect. It's genuinely funny, the special effects are bulletproof, the dialogue better than your average superhero movie, and the cast is flawless."
I Now Say: This one could have gotten the nudge into 5-star range, but I still feel that the ending showdown between Iron Man and Iron Monger could have rocked a bit harder. Yeah, this one's unchanged.
Movie: Frost/Nixon
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "The showdown between Frost and Nixon plays out like some kind of Rocky movie with rapid words instead of rapid punches."
I Now Say: Not the most original sentiment, sure, but who do I look like, Pauline fucking Kael? (Well, not in this light anyway). I still feel that Frost/Nixon is really good, but, again, it's still got that new car smell.
Movie: Body of Lies
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Director Scott manages to skirt too much preaching and delivers a tense, and gorgeously-shot, thriller."
I Now Say: Finally! Some back-tracking! I still think this movie is solid, but it was kind of forgotten pretty shortly after I wrote this review. When it comes out on DVD, the likely reaction will be, "Oh, right. That movie." I'd hack a star off that rating.
Movie: The Dark Knight
Star Rating: 5 stars
I Said: "Best. Movie. Of. The. Summer."
I Now Say: We'd only make one change, and that would be to amend that line to: "Of. The. Year." Nothing's touching Bats. We only hope Christopher Nolan returns for a third, because Brett Ratner directing Chris Tucker as the Riddler would have us with a bat-shotgun in our bat-mouths.
Movie: Religulous
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "While Maher makes no effort to concede to an opposing view, he is armed with two things that render his subjects powerless: knowledge of the subject's own religion (it's shocking how many have no idea exactly what it is they profess to believe in) and logic. It's a lethal one-two."
I Now Say: Hallelujah! Can I get an "amen"?
Movie: RockNRolla
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "After years of Madonna, Kabbalah, and two really shit movies (Swept Away and Revolver), Ritchie has wisely returned to what works for him: Violent British gangster films."
I Now Say: I still enjoyed the shit out of RockNRolla, but maybe it was too much to reward Ritchie for going back to his safety well again. Eh, I'd knock half a star off, because I'm still looking forward to seeing this again on DVD, and I do hope Ritchie follows-through with the teased sequel.
Movie: Burn After Reading
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "The movie has some tricks up its sleeve despite its total commitment to idiocy."
I Now Say: Agreed. Upon second viewing, the weirdness outweighs the funnyness, but I still think this is good stuff. On a side note: 4 stars—the most cop-out rating? I think so. It seems to mean, "I liked your movie, but I didn't like like it. You know?" So confusing. Any wonder I'm back-tracking on most of those?
Movie: Tropic Thunder
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Stiller is at his best when he has a specific target in mind, and he lets go full blast on Hollywood."
I Now Say: Eh, not so much. After sitting through it again, the movie doesn't hit nearly as hard as I originally thought. And everything that isn't Robert Downey Jr. kind of drags a bit. I think I was still giggling over the word "retard" when I wrote this review. Again—this ain't Film Comment.
Movie: Pineapple Express
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Surprisingly, it's Franco, not Rogen, who steals the show with the best comic moments. In fact, Rogen comes in a distant fourth behind Danny McBride (ruling the summer with Foot Fist Way, this, and Tropic Thunder) and Craig Robinson (the bouncer from Knocked Up) in the comedy batting order."
I Now Say: Word. I'm not sure if Franco, McBride, and Robinson warrant a four star review, but since this movie isn't out on DVD yet I'm going with the fond memories I have of sitting through this and agreeing with my original choice.
Movie: The Wackness
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Although it smacks of Kids 2: The Quickening, The Wackness soon establishes its own laid-back, off-kilter, and completely endearing vibe."
I Now Say: This one caught me on a good day. I still think it's a decent film, but four stars seems a bit misleading. It's not that good. But that's also not to say it's bad. So what am I saying? No fucking clue. Ask the stars, they seem to know everything.
Movie: Wanted
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "We're sick of watching our once-kick-ass action heroes getting their balls snipped off with PG-13 scissors (looking at you, John McClane), so Wanted's unabashed, over-the-top violence is refreshing."
I Now Say: Hear, hear. Wanted was better than anyone thought it would be, and I still think it's a total blast.
Movie: The Incredible Hulk
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Where Ang Lee gave us King Kong with daddy issues, Leterrier finally gives this superhero some heroics. Norton, Roth, William Hurt (as "Thunderbolt" Ross), and Liv Tyler (as love interest Betty Ross) are all on board with the concept and seemingly having fun."
I Now Say: Don't make me backtrack. You wouldn't like me when I backtrack. Luckily, I'm not. People loved to rip this movie apart, but honestly, it's the best Hulk movie they could have made. If you were expecting more, you're either fooling yourself or you're Peter David.
Movie: The Foot Fist Way
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Just get comfortable with the fact that you'll immediately want to see this movie a second time so that you can more accurately quote it."
I Now Say: If we didn't quote this movie around the office, we'd never speak to each other. I'd maybe give it an extra half-star for added awesomeness.
Movie: Son of Rambow
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "We'd never use the word 'love letter' in a film review because we value our testicles, but Rambow is a hilarious, sweet look at falling in love with movies, and generally just being an awkward 11-year-old boy."
I Now Say: Who am I kidding? I've never had testicles.
Movie: The Wrestler
Star Rating: 5 stars
I Said: "The Wrestler is funny and heartbreaking in equal measure—one of the truly rare 'weepy guy flicks' (in a good way)."
I Now Say: Maybe I'm still in the glow of this movie, but I wouldn't change a thing. This may not leap out as a 5-star movie, but I couldn't come up with a compelling reason not to see it.
Movie: Quantum of Solace
Star Rating: 4 1/2 stars
I Said: "Craig cements his reputation as the coolest, most formidable Bond ever, and the movie simply kicks ass."
I Now Say: Man, is the whole post going to be this boring? I still feel the same about this one, and I'm kind of shocked by the nit-picky critical reception Quantum got. Are critics that spoiled and useless? (The answer is yes).
Movie: Shine a Light
Star Rating: 4 stars
I Said: "Marty mixes backstage, concert, and archival footage to present a personal mini-history of the Stones without treading over well-worn material."
I Now Say: Talk about an arbitrary star rating. This could have been 5 stars, could have been 2. It really didn't matter at all. It's a concert film. Unless the thing was out of focus, what more could you say about it? In fact, why did I even review it? Are you even still reading this?
BONUS: The "No Stars" Class of 2008
Because nothing stings more than withholding affection.
Hell Ride - I hate this blog post for making me remember sitting through this movie. How's that?
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - So this is how Star Wars dies…with thunderous, awkward silence.
The Love Guru - I actually gave this 1 star out of, I can only guess, pity. I hereby retract that single star. Man, what a piece of shit.
