Must Love Dogs

Divorced women over 35 are going to eat this thing for lunch and demand seconds. But everyone else…how about another viewing of Batman Begins? Call it a "chick flick," or in this case "Chihuahua flick," whatever—men haven't looked like such pathetic pussies on screen in a long time. (These simps make Rip Taylor look like Rip Torn.) Using Internet matchmaking as a jumping-off point, we watch as divorcée Lane dates every possible variation of obnoxious jerk-off until she meets Cusack and tries to jump his bones. It's not all total crap—the dogs are kind of amusing, Diane Lane is still hot, and John Cusack somehow manages to keep his sad sack, loser-in-love, Doctor Zhivago–obsessed boat builder (yeah, it's that kind of movie) from being the kind of guy you want to toss off a bridge. You might even crack a smile once or twice, but you know what's gonna happen and it takes 97 minutes of your life to get there. But if it’s a Friday or Saturday night and you feel like you must get laid, giving in and taking your significant other to a stale date movie like Must Love Dogs is probably easier than begging.