Never Die Alone

For those of you who think the transition from rapper to actor is easier than heiress to porn star, we present DMX. Never Die Alone finds the raspy rhymer awkwardly howling and hollering in the face of death as a thugged-out drug dealer known as King David. When David is stabbed outside an uptown Manhattan bar, a lone white boy (David Arquette) drives him to a hospital and inherits all of his possessions—including David’s Dictaphone, which recounts his final days and provides the rap video story line for the movie. DMX growls over a steady backdrop of pathetic pimps, slutty coke-heads, and bloody Timberlands, and Arquette shows off the stuff that earned him the lead in See Spot Run. This isn’t just one of the worst movies we’ve seen, this is one of the worst DMX movies we’ve seen.