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Piranha 3DD

Release Date: 
06/01/2012
Rated: 
MPAA: R
Star Rating: 
6 out of 10

Orson Welles, eat your heart out.

Photos Courtesy of Dimension Films| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
The Pitch: The deadly fish invade a water park while beautiful women have trouble covering their bodies.

What It Really Is: Exactly what you think it is. No one reading this review is on the fence about seeing Piranha 3DD. Either you already got your tickets, or you hate goofy, funny horror movies that show lots of naked women. The toothpick-thin plot doesn’t really matter as the entire movie builds to a thirty minute massacre at the water park...a water park that features an “Adults Only” section. It’s gratuitous, but in a silly, self-aware way. It’s also gross, so if you hate the thought of fish getting...into places...then you may want to cover your eyes every 10 minutes or so.

Photos Courtesy of Dimension Films| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
How Many D’s Do You Need: A movie like this works best in a crowded theater filled with fans eager to laugh back at the screen. But if you’re stingy, save a few bucks and see the regular 2D version, which is available for download and On Demand right now for $6.99.

Not All Summer Movies Need to be 3 Hours: The movie is a scant 80-minutes and that includes ten minutes of bloopers and after-credits scenes. A Ziggy comic strip is longer.

Photos Courtesy of Dimension Films| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Best [Spoiler-Free] Quote: You can quote just about every line of the movie, but our favorite comes from Ving Rhames who repeats his mantra, “I’m not afraid of some punk ass water. I’m not afraid of some punk ass water. I’m not afraid of some punk ass water.”

Best Cameo: It’s no secret that David Hasselhoff is in this, but it’s a tad shocking at how funny he is. Not all of his scenes work, but he did manage to hit a few jokes that will make you at least smirk.

Photos Courtesy of Dimension Films| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Maxim’s Press-Ready Blurb: “It’s D-lightful, D-licious, and D-mazing!” -- Maxim.com

Who’s It For: Fans for horror comedy, young guys who have no idea how to access online porn, film students who love being angry.

Photos Courtesy of Dimension Films| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Studio: Dimension Films