In honor of the MacGruber movie (opening everywhere May 21st), we are choosing to celebrate those individuals who best exemplify the courage, fortitude, and fashion sense of, let's not put too fine a point on it, mankind's ultimate savior.
6. MacGruber is Body Conscious
Not even ingenious survivalist MacGruber is immune to the allure of a little nip and tuck when age starts to take its toll. But there is a positive lesson here: Self-esteem is important. In many cases more important than saving the lives of others or accepting reality.
Real-life MacGrubers: Bret Michaels, Heidi Montag, and Jocelyn Wildenstein
5. MacGruber isn't Queasy
When you are in the middle of a life or death situation, there is no time to get prissy. You have to do what needs to be done. Dignity? There is no dignity here. That's why God invented Purell.
Real-life MacGrubers: Fear Factor winners Daniel and Whitney, Survivor winner Richard Hatch
4. MacGruber is Sensitive to Gossip
Look, just because a guy is known for his grace under pressure doesn't mean that snarky comments don't sometimes crack that tough external armor. Words hurt, people. Why do you have to slam every little thing he does?
Real-life MacGrubers: Lindsey Lohan, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee
3. MacGruber is a Social Drinker
Slurring your words during a work event or passing out on the floor of an airport does not mean you have a problem, OK? You're just social, like MacGruber.
Real-life MacGrubers: Joe Namath, Nick Nolte, David Hasselhoff
2. MacGruber Rocks the Unironic Mullet
When you are "the man" in every situation the way MacGruber is, you don't follow hairstyle trends. You set them. The mullet is as much a part of MacGruber as ingenuity and timing. Hmmmm…wonder if he knows how to ice skate?
Real-life MacGrubers: Ryan Smyth, Jaromir Jagr, Patrick Kane
1. MacGruber Works Well With Dad
Familial tension? What familial tension? MacGruber always knows he can turn to his pops in times of need. No matter what the situation.
Real-life MacGrubers: George W. Bush, James Murdoch, Donald Trump Jr.