Secret Window

Take it from us, writer’s block can be a real…shit, um…we’ll return to that thought in a minute. Let’s instead focus on best-selling author Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp), who’s coping with his impending divorce by holing up in an isolated cabin to pen another paycheck. Unfortunately, he’s packing as many fresh story ideas as Aaron Spelling. To add to his misery, a deranged hick (John Turturro) shows up on his doorstep alleging plagiarism of a story Rainey wrote nine years ago. Soon, Mort’s life begins spiraling out of control, inexplicably bringing everyone around him—his neighbor, his bodyguard, even his blind dog—down with him. Stephen King big-screen adaptations have perennially proven hazardous to your wealth in Hollywood, but Window rides the talent of its cast to respectability. Depp can be entertaining all on his own (which he’s called upon to do often here), and Turturro delivers his creepiest performance since Mr. Deeds. But, like most King flicks, this one was doomed to deliver a feeble ending—and, we’re guessing, a fraction of its Barnes & Noble gains at the box office.