Should You Go See “Zero Dark Thirty”? (Short Answer: Yes)
This week, our dogs take on Zero Dark Thirty, This Is 40, and Jack Reacher.
This week, our dogs take on Zero Dark Thirty, This Is 40, and Jack Reacher.
Zero Dark Thirty
Out December 19 (selected theaters), Rated R
Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
Holly’s take:
“I’m still jumping all over the place after seeing Zero Dark Thirty! Is Osama Bin Laden here? Is he there? Where is he?! ARGH! The beautiful Jessica Chastain does a freaking awesome job playing a CIA agent who will stop at nothing to get her man. She has to torture a bunch of bad guys to try to find out where he is, and one of them even poops himself. I felt a little bad for him until I realized I’d done exactly the same thing.”
Dexter’s take:
“Director Kathryn Bigelow won an Oscar for her last film, The Hurt Locker, which was suspenseful, gritty, and realistic. Well, listen to me when I tell you that she deserves another one, and this movie is even more suspenseful, gritty, and realistic. You know I hate spoilers as much as I hate that goddamn mailman (seriously, what is that asshole’s problem?), but let me just say that the last third of the film is as brilliant a denouement as any I’ve ever seen.”
Billie’s take:
“THEY SHOT BIN LADEN AND DROPPED HIS BODY IN THE SEA AND I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED! THE SEA IS FUNNY.”
This Is 40
Out December 21, Rated R
Photo Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Holly’s take:
“This Is 40 is like one-stop shopping for all my favorite funny people (which also happens to be the name of Judd Apatow’s last movie, so that works out well). From Paul Rudd and Albert Brooks to Melissa McCarthy and Jason Segel, there’s no shortage of hilarious actors. Unfortunately, though, there’s also no shortage of Apatow family members. Seriously, between Judd’s wife Leslie Mann and his daughters Maude and Iris, this movie is like watching two and a half hours of home movies. Bad home movies, that is, not awesome ones like the one of that time I finally caught my tail (turns out it was hanging on top of my butt the whole time!)”
Dexter’s take:
“It’s impossible not to give Judd Apatow a great deal of credit for creating what is, in effect, a comedy factory: The number of great actors/writers/directors he’s discovered and mentored is incredible (Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Jason Segel are three off the top of my head.) But I think it’s time that Judd got a mentor of his own…this script is simply not funny, leaving us with well over two hours of going absolutely nowhere. In fact, this video of my homedog Triumph the insult comic dog on the set of the movie has far more laughs than the movie itself. Thinking about it, my own private video of my neutering has more laughs in it than This Is 40.”
Billie’s take:
“OOOHHHHH MMYYYYY GOOOODDDDDD THERE WAS SO MUCH TALKING AND NOTHING HAPPENING AND TALKING AND NO ONE BEING FUNNY AND TALKING AND MORE NOT BEING FUNNY AND NOTHING HAPPENING AND IT MADE ME WANT TO EAT MY OWN SPLEEN TO STAY AWAKE SO I DID. IT WAS DELICIOUS!”
Jack Reacher
Out December 21, Rated PG-13
Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Holly’s take:
“Talk about a misleading trailer – the very first words spoken are, “Jack Reacher is a ghost”. And then you find out almost immediately that, actually, no, he isn’t a ghost, he’s some kind of detective for the army, and it’s another Tom Cruise action flick where he plays Tom Cruise. Would it have been too much to ask for him to have just been a ghost and get involved in wacky haunting hijinks? I swear, Hollywood, I have more vision than you do, and I can only see in black and white.”
Dexter’s take:
“I know Tom Cruise has been acting a bit mental in recent years, but I was a big fan of Mission Impossible 4, so I’m happy to cut the dude some slack. Sadly, this movie doesn’t have the bonus MI4 had of being directed by Brad Bird, but in all honesty, I’ll probably give it a watch over the holidays. I’m apologizing in advance if you smell turkey bone farts halfway through a fight scene.”
Billie’s take:
“I ONLY WATCHED THIS BECAUSE I THOUGHT A ‘JACK REACHER’ WAS SOME KIND OF DEVICE TO HELP MORBIDLY OBESE PEOPLE REACH THEIR PENISES. ON THAT LEVEL, I HAVE TO SAY I WAS DISAPPOINTED.”
Bill Murray Playing FDR? Yes Please.
Vote for Maxim’s 2013 Hot 100
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JE1Ci0EaN4