The upcoming animated comedy Despicable Me has an army of minions, but how do they stack up against some of the best sidekicks of all time?
10. General Disarray- Sidekick to: Professor Chaos
Professor Chaos (a.k.a. Butters) provided all the tin foil costumes and devious plans for global domination, but General Disarray—otherwise known as a second grader named Dougie—kept the duo grounded. Plus, what little friendship he offered probably kept the pitiably unpopular Butters from going all Kurt Cobain.
9. Arthur- Sidekick to: The Tick
If you made Tim Russert a superhero, we imagine he'd look a lot like the paunchy, moth-suited right hand of the Tick. While he doesn't have any sort of powers or spine to speak of, Arthur's all-around lameness makes his burly blue-spandexed buddy look like Arnold Schwarzenegger instead of the Vin Diesel he really is.
8. Tails- Sidekick to: Sonic the Hedgehog
Miles Prower—as he's known by the IRS—is easily the clingiest of the sidekicks on this list. The fact that he uses his two tails to fly comes in handy when Sonic needs help getting over a randomly placed abyss or other silly Japanese imagining. Still, it would be nice if a hedgehog could get some fucking "me" time.
7. Penny- Sidekick to: Inspector Gadget
Since this pigtailed blonde would be well into her cougar years by now, we feel safe saying: Penny was hot. While Gadget's arsenal of gizmos shoulda made him invincible, his precocious niece had to constantly bail his bumbling ass out. And being the prepubescent horn dogs that we were, any Penny on-tube time was A-OK by us.
6. Silent Bob- Sidekick to: Jay
Even though Bob is usually overshadowed by the nonsensical shit-talking of his weed-dealing counterpart, he has the uncanny ability to dole out sage advice that Confucius would quote on his MySpace page. Plus, he has that sweet utility belt and is friends with a monkey. Snoochey boochey.
5. The Cheat- Sidekick to: Strong Bad
We dunno what this thing is or where it came from, but the Cheat is always beside Strong Bad, helping him in his many capers, but getting dumped on more than R. Kelly's date to the Grammys. We think it's time for the Cheat to find new management.
4. Samwise Gamgee- Sidekick to: Frodo Baggins
"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo... 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to." So spoke the loving manservant of ring-bearer Frodo Baggins. Wonder if he knew that promise entailed battling giant spiders, nearly starving to death, and suffering through the longest trilogy in history. Oh well, should have read the small print, dude.
3. Cato Fong- Sidekick to: Inspector Clouseau
Patterned after another no-credit sidekick—The Green Hornet's Kato—Clouseau's faithful houseboy regularly kept the clodhopping detective at his sharpest via a series of martial arts attacks. And how did the franchise repay him? By making him a silver screen stereotype. We've come a rong way.
2. Luigi- Sidekick to: Mario
Hey, Mario, ever think about using your last name and showing the family a little respect? Luigi is half of this brotherly duo; plus, he's taller and got all his father's good looks. So start givin' your brother a box cover or two. Capiche, you fat asshole?
1. Waylon Smithers- Sidekick to: Mr. Burns
We were always told true love meant putting someone before yourself. But if that means moistening your loved one's eyeballs, jumping out of their plane to jettison extra weight, or scraping dead skin off their craggy back, then fuck that noise; there's always our Malibu Stacy real doll.