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The 5 Best Non-People Movie Dads

Just because he’s not human doesn’t mean he’s not dear old dad.

While you're shooting 18 with dad this weekend, take a moment to really think about what he has done for you in your life. Then say, "Thanks, Dad. Thanks for not being a ghost, a dog, a robot, or a snowman. Because while those situations are mad-cap and everyone learns an important lesson in the end, it really is a bit of a hassle." Never forget about the important things. 

Ghost Dad

This Bill Cosby comedy vehicle features Dr. Huxtable as a widower who dies in a taxicab crash (because there’s nothing funnier than orphaned children) and returns as a apparition only visible to his children. And also some other people sometimes. And is also invisible, maybe. It’s pretty apparent that Ghost Dad is not a masterpiece of American cinema, but what do you expect? It’s not like it was directed by Sidney Poitier; legendary actor, Lifetime Achievement Academy Award-winner, and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Wait, what!?

Jack Frost

This delightful holiday romp about the premature death of a parent features cool, earring-wearing Michael Keaton as a touring musician who is killed in a car wreck, only to be reanimated a year later (you know, right after his wife and son’s wounds are beginning to heal) as a snowman. You’d have to imagine that he was asking for the snowman treatment being named “Jack Frost” and all, yet everyone is still delightfully surprised. That is until he melts away, becomes an angel, and leaves his family alone again with nothing but a dumb harmonica and some fucked-up version of closure. Merry Christmas!

And You Thought Your Parents Were Weird

We’re like most people, and by that we mean we haven’t seen this insane movie where two kids create a junky robot out of scraps that becomes possessed by their late father (voiced by Alan Thicke, of course). But the family doesn’t just live mechanically ever after, oh no, trouble is afoot! Some scoundrels kidnap Dadbot3000 and attempt to sell him, presumably to a wealthy and eccentric trash collector who spends exorbitant amounts of money buying trash. Will he ever return home? To find out we’d have to watch the movie, and, well, we aren’t quite willing to do that.

The Shaggy Dog

This is a remake of a 1959 film, but we prefer the 2006 Tim Allen version because we like things that are terrible. In this gem of a film, the dad is a ruthless lawyer, delivering plenty of coin to his family, but not enough attention. That is, until a magic dog or whatever bites him, transforming him into a dog. Or maybe just giving him dog-like tendencies. The trailer isn’t clear, and to be honest, we haven’t seen this one either, but we feel safe assuming that he learns a valuable lesson about the importance of family, probably while eating his own poop.

Jesus of Nazareth

Obviously, Jesus had the ultimate non-person Dad. You can’t really beat “If you don’t clean your room you’re going to end up on the wrong end of another smiting, mister.”

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