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The Expendables 2

Release Date: 
08/17/2012
Rated: 
MPAA: R
Star Rating: 
7 out of 10

The summer movie season ends with a bang...bang, boom, crash, ka-pow!

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
The Pitch: A bunch of dudes hang out in an old cargo plane/tank and then shoot bad guys.

What It Really Is: The perfect way to end the summer. You know what you’re getting here: Nearly every action star in the world shooting stuff. The story focuses on...shut up. No one cares about the story. Things happen. More things happen. Bad guys are really bad. Good guys are really good. And just when you think the good guys are going to lose, a famous action star pops up to save the day. (This happens several times during the movie.) The movie is a lot of fun. It’s better than the first one, because we actually remembered what happened in this movie. We only wish the one-liners were a bit funnier and less “Hey, remember that from those classic action movies?”

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Number of “I’ll be back” Variations and Puns: Four. None of which are particularly clever and all seemed forced.

Best Acting By An Expendable: Jason Statham. He’s the only one who seems like a real guy. It doesn’t hurt that he has some of the best action scenes.

Expendable We’d Like To See More Of: Dolph Lundgren. His character is the most interesting, scary and funny.

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Least Useful Expendable: Randy Couture. During the battles, the camera either forgets about him, or perhaps he’s off in the corner checking his Twitter.

Expendable Not In This Movie: Chris Hemsworth. If you go in expecting Thor because the name “Hemsworth” is on the poster, you’ll be disappointed when it’s Liam Hemsworth on screen. Liam does a fine job as the new kid, but this is a movie for Thor, not Thor Jr.

Expendable Almost Not In This Movie: Jet Li. Though he’s third billed, Li exits the movie rather quickly, and in a very lackluster sort of way.

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Expendables We’d Like to See in the Sequels:
Harrison Ford
Burt Reynolds
Super Mario
Mr. T.
Danny Glover
Hillary Clinton
Our dad
David Hasselhoff
A bunch of tigers
Hilary Swank
The chubby kid from Up
Tom Hanks
Tom Arnold
Ian Mckellan
Chef Boyardee
Kevin Spacey
The cast of Cheers

Maxim.com Press-Ready Blurb:Expendables 2 is Celebrity Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.” - Maxim.com

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Better As a Villain: Why did it take so long for Hollywood to realize that Jean-Claude Van Damme is better as a villain than a hero?

Not Quite Perfect: If you don’t want to leave your house this weekend and sit next to strangers, but still want to see a great action movie, rent The Raid: Redemption. That is still the best modern action movie of them all.

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Who’s It For: Art aficionados, film students, Academy Award voters, college professors and sophisticated members of society.