Verbal diarrhea has been plaguing man since the beginning of time, but it gets worse when he is faced with the task of summarizing his man-love in the daunting “Best Man Speech.” Most men rely on a book or the internet for advice on how to survive it, but look no further for what not to do – below are five of the best worst speeches that have us sweating bullets, taking a drink and hoping we won’t let slip any mention of that night the groom had an encounter with that stripper with the Adam’s apple and the hairy hands. In short: don’t be one of these guys.
For the love of God, if you can’t keep it together enough to not talk about the prostitutes you hired during the bachelor party in front of the bride’s parents, just smile and wave. Start the video at 02:15.
The Drunk Asshole
This was funny until we saw it in real life. Twice. Oh cousin Jimmy, why do you always fall off the wagon in wedding season?
The Gibbering Idiot
Remember: references to ex-girlfriends – even if making a favorable comparison to the bride – are strictly verboten.
The Self-Obsessed Dick
Too many times have we seen the best man who makes it about himself instead of the groom. Remember, the speech is not a platform for you to make personal confessions, unless you just scored in the back with the maid of... you know, actually, not even then.And really, don’t do what this guy does at 11:42 in the video below.
The Bitter Jerk
Weddings are tough if you’ve just been through a bad break-up, but the best man’s speech is not the place to announce your newfound conviction that all women are the tools of Satan. Keep it together, dude!