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The Maxim Horror Movie Awards

16. Scariest Social Commentary: Brain Damage (1988)
A metaphor for drug addiction is presented in the form of a penis-shaped, brain-eating blob named Aylmer that will give you a feeling of euphoria in exchange for finding him victims. Disclaimer: You don’t want Aylmer around if you’re about to receive a blow job.
 
17. Scariest Oral Extraction: The Last House on the Left (1972)
Wince alert! In Wes Craven’s debut, a woman bites off a rapist’s penis as revenge for brutally assaulting her daughter. It’s just one of the ultra-violent scenes that got this ugly exploitation flick banned for some time overseas. 
 
18. Scariest Conspiracy Theories: Room 237 (2012)
In this doc obsessives of The Shining try to convince you that the movie’s hidden message is about faking the Apollo moon landing, or that it’s a metaphor for Native American oppression. Listen to these nutjobs for too long and you may pull a “Here’s Johnny!”
 
19. Scariest Question: Basket Case (1982)
When Duane shows up to a gritty N.Y.C. hotel holding a wicker basket, it’s only a matter of time before someone looks inside. Surprise! It’s his blob of a Siamese twin brother, Belial, who has a habit of mauling his nosy victims into mangled corpses. Not the best picnic companion. 
 
20. Scariest Fictional Episode of DatelineThe Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)
The documentary-style film follows detectives as they try to piece together the heinous crimes depicted on more than 800 videotapes they discover during a house raid.
 
21. Scariest Rejected Pitches for Martha Stewart Living’s Crafts Issue: Pieces (1982)
Before Buffalo Bill was wearing his woman suit, there was Timmy and his jigsaw puzzle made of sawed-off women’s body parts. 
 
22. Scariest First Date: The Audition (1999)

A widower auditions prospective wives and finds a timid ex-ballerina. But once she starts removing his limbs, he realizes she may not be his dream girl after all. Next time, try Match.com?
 
23. Scariest Pregnancy Scare: Inside (2007)
This French home-invasion thriller about a lady who is terrorized by a scissors-wielding woman desperate to steal her unborn baby will make you squirm more than sitting through What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
 
24. Scariest Accidental Rental: Nekromantik (1987)
Maybe you thought your date would be impressed when you rented what you presumed was an artsy German love story…and it kind of is, except that one of the figures in the love triangle is a corpse.
 
25. Scariest Torture Scenes: Ichi the Killer (2001) 
This Japanese movie contains enough torment and agony in the form of brutal beatings, skewers, and nipple clamps to make the Saw traps look like a La-Z-Boy.
 
26. Scariest ’90s Cleavage: I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
The heaving bosoms of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar earned this slasher hit the nickname I Know What Your Breasts Did Last Summer, which of course only made us want to see it more. Even spookier than the movie’s meat-hook-wielding killer? The eerie demise of costar Freddie Prinze Jr.’s career. 
 
27. Scariest Opening Scene: Scream (1996)
In 12 minutes a random phone call about scary movies leaves Drew Barrymore hanging by her entrails. This is why we never answer blocked calls.
 
28. Scariest Serial Killer: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) 
Loosely based on real-life murderer Henry Lee Lucas, this movie is even more disturbing than seeing Charlize Theron uglified in Monster.
 
29. Scariest Movie You Expected to Be Crap: Insidious (2011)
It has all the clichés of creepy kids, paranormal activity, and eerie voices, but those elements actually come together in one of the jumpiest horror flicks of the past few years.  
 
30. Scariest Argument for Using a Pen Name: Misery (1990)
It’s not just because we get insecure when you write us hurtful letters. But why have fans if they’re just going to take a sledgehammer to your ankles to hold you hostage?

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