Horror movies and nudity go together like corn syrup and food coloring, so let's celebrate some of the most obvious cases of "hey, it's been nearly five minutes since we've seen a breast."
9. Hostel- Ah, Europe (well, young American's fetishized, imaginary version of Europe, anyway)—a place where supermodel-level former Eastern Bloc chicks can't wait to ride doughy Yankee bodies like they're the last horses out of town pre-Cossack invasion. Of course, there does turn out to be a catch. But who needs an Achilles tendon when you get ass like this as a trade-off?
8. The Wicker Man- "Hm, so our creepy psychological thriller has a musical number. How exactly do you make it palatable for the back-row-of-the-theater crowd? Oh! We'll have the song sung by a buck naked Britt Ekland! Brilliant!" The original Wicker Man definitely scores in this regard, but it has a long way to go before it reaches the nonstop hilarity that was the Nicolas Cage Wicker Man.
7. Friday the 13th- You can't really mess with a classic formula like this. A summer camp. A remote cabin. Two teenagers. Enough raging hormones to power a load lifter. The old "have sex, then die" routine was born out of scenes like this; and it's a reason why Friday endures. So many boys became men during the course of this franchise.
10. Halloween- What's creepier than a little kid slapping on a clown mask and going O.J. on his sister? Having his sis be topless and cheerfully postcoital when he does it. It adds a whole sick incestuous dimension to an already messed up premise. The original nailed it perfectly in one five-minute sequence. Hear that, Mr. Zombie? No need for strippers or Nazareth.
6. The Return of the Living Dead- This slightly-decomposing-tongue-in-pockmarked-cheek take on the zombie movie gave itself a little challenge: How do you surpass the legendary George Romero? More zombies? No. Bloodier deaths? Not really. Aha! How about a random striptease in the middle of a cemetery? Talk about earning your paycheck.
5. Halloween- That's right, the John Carpenter flick scores a second spot on the list. All you have to say to die-hard Halloween fans is "see anything you like?" and they know exactly what you're talking about: a pigtailed P.J. Soles giving a sheet-covered Michael Myers a little prestab eye candy. Such perfection once again begs the question: What the hell was Rob Zombie thinking? You can't hang with the Carpenter, man.
3. Turistas- Granted, this is little more than Hostel in a warmer climate, but we give Turistas credit for chucking in the old "oops, I forgot my bikini top" trick. Well played, Turistas. You get extra credit for the girl's solution to her dilemmathrow on a white T-shirt and then run into the water. Are you sure we didn't write this script?
2. The Shining- Whoa, who's that hot chick in Room 237? Ah, you know what? No way she's that perfect. I bet she has some flaw somewhere. Like a needy personality. Maybe a clingy ex-con boyfriend or an intrusive mother. Either that or she's only in town for, like, a day or something. No way she can be that ideal. Just give us a second, we'll figure out what's wrong with her
1. Carrie- Brian De Palma, if there was some kind of gratuitous nudity award (The Pokies?), you would earn yourself a lifetime achievement award for Carrie alone. Few directors go for nudity DURING THE OPENING CREDITS. Even fewer go for FULL BUSH SHOTS IN THE OPENING CREDITS. You are a wonder, Mr. De Palma. Our jaws are forever agape at your work. Just wow.
4. An American Werewolf in London- Gorgeous Brit Jenny Agutter in the shower PSYCH! Check out the naked dude snatching balloons at the zoo! Sorry, just wanted to make sure you guys were still paying attention