So you're gearing up for a weekend spent in the dark with your girl - before you load up that NetFlix queue or get online at Blockbuster, you need to have a solid, foolproof game plan.

That's where we come in.

Allow us to present our weekly DVD-siac Movie Three-Pack, a collection of recent releases and old favorites that we guarantee will get lucky this weekend, in one way or another.

THE CHICK FLICK YOU CAN TOLERATE
Plan A: Show your sensitive side…within reason. Grab a "chick flick" that at least has some redeeming value so that you can stay awake along enough for her to reward your gallant show of sensitivity. This week, we recommend:



Casablanca
Warner Bros. recently released a bang-up new edition of Casablanca, so why not use that as an excuse to get cozy with your better half? It's an undisputed classic (so long as you ignore the comments section on VictorLazloHater.Typepad.com) and, well, you just don't get more old school cool than Mr. Bogart. Casablanca is one of those sweeping romantic epics she adores, and it maintains that veneer of exotic cool that makes you wish you could own a bar in Morocco and spend your evenings downing whiskey in a white tux jacket. Plus, you can show off your movie savvy by explaining to her that "Play it again, Sam" is the most famously misquoted lines in movie history.

THE GUY FLICK SHE CAN TOLERATE
Plan B: She has a headache, she has to get up early, her football injury is acting up - in short, you're looking at a dry night ahead. But, hey, you still want to spend some time together, so forgo the romance and put something that leans a little more on the "guy" side without leaving her in the cold. This week, we recommend:



Pineapple Express
Trust us on this one. Although pot comedies aren't traditionally suited to date night at home, Pineapple Express' charming vibe and simpering man-children heroes will make her chuckle just as much as it makes you guffaw. There's something about the dim-witted goofus pairing of James Franco and Seth Rogan that will endear the movie to her—and even when things get violent, she'll appreciate that Rosie Perez not only doesn't sit the action out, she engages in a center ring smackdown with Franco. Overall, you'll both end this one with a goofy grin on your face.

YOUR MOVIE
Plan C: That yawn means, "I'm getting some beauty rest, so why don't you put that diving rod of yours on ice and watch something without me?" The downside: No sex. The upside: You can watch the movie you really wanted to watch, her feelings or interest level be damned. This week, we recommend:



Saw V
OK, enough of this soft, touchy-feely, hippie crap. She's gone to bed, and you need to watch something die horribly. Pop in the latest installment of the Saw franchise and make certain that at least one of your lusts (blood) gets satiated. This franchise taps into your inner deliquent—the one that relishes pulling wings off flies—and there's no way you should ever let her see that if you hold out any hope of her sharing her bed with you ever again. So dim the lights and wave that freak flag all by your lonesome.