In between the endless parade of penalty calls and video reviews they called "the Super Bowl," many of you probably saw the G.I. Joe teaser trailer. Now, it's hard to judge a film based on a few seconds of quick-cut scenes, sure, but one very troubling thing stood out when we watched it, and we fear it's indicative of the film's direction.

Snake Eyes has rubber lips.



Think about that for a moment. Now, we've all been numbed to rubber muscle suits thanks to the comic book movie genre, but isn't it troubling that, in this movie's effort to just copy the action figures, no one ever thought to ask, "Wait? Why does he need a FAKE MOUTH?"




He's a ninja who never speaks, so the fact that he wears a solid black mask makes sense. He's a warrior of the shadows. Fine. But what is the mouth for? He can't breath out of it, because it's not functional. It's just there—a pair of molded smackers sitting there for the sole purpose of....what? Looking cool? Whoa boy...This is nipples on the batsuit kind of bad.

Director Stephen Sommers isn't known for making movies that are, well, what you'd call "good" (Van Helsing qualifies as a crime against humanity) but this little aesthetic decision speaks volumes. He doesn't care if this looks ridiculous on a real person—Snake Eyes looks like the action figure, and that's enough to sell this already pre-packaged and pre-sold movie. Hell....he even put a FAKE BELLY BUTTON on him!



Does it matter that he looks like a theme park character? Nope!


And don't even get us started on "H&M For Him" Storm Shadow, either...



Did he train on the runways of Milan?

Better start facing facts—what could have been dumb fun (this is, like Transformers, a slight movie with its origins in a toy line for crying out loud) looks to be just dumb. Expensive dumb. The worst kind.