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Why "Chick Flicks" Hate Women

Posted Monday 02/16/2009 4:00 PM in The Movie Blog by Eric Alt

Filed under: rom com, Hate, Chick, Men, Women, Flick, Bad, Relationships

1. Your Life Depends on Phone Calls From Men

You've seen it a million times. Some emotionally vulnerable woman sits by the phone all night (weepy romantic movie playing in the background optional) just waiting for that cute guy to call. When's he going to call? Why won't he call? What's wrong with me? What did I do to provoke him into being emotionally distant? I do this all the time, don't I? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

2. Any Problem Can Be Fixed By Shopping

Just as your average hamster can be lulled into relaxation with a food pellet and a few laps on a tiny wheel, Chick Flicks imagine that women's emotions are so puddle-shallow that a quick montage of dresses and shoes can fix everything. Break up? Big fight? Cancer diagnosis? Who's up for the Galleria?

3. Any Problem That Can't Be Fixed By Shopping, Can Be Fixed With a Make-Over

Your husband/boyfriend/stalkee is being mean? Well, it's because you haven't done your hair in forever! And what is that shade of eye shadow called, "Dump Me Now"? Ugh, girl. You need to spend obscene amounts of money on make-up you'll never wear and a hairstyle that'll become too hard to maintain hours after you leave the salon. And make sure to do so to an irritating Top 40 song.

4. If a Guy's a Jerk, it's Because Your Life is a Mess

Face it, girls, Chick Flicks have hit the bull's eye when it comes to the key to holding onto a man. If some dude cheats on you, you have only one recourse: Go through your house and throw away EVERYTHING. Magazines, books, clothing, potential vices…scrub your life clean so that you won't be such a cheat target anymore. Seriously, you don't know this? Guys cheat because you smoke, eat cookies, and read Cosmo. Duh.

5. Guys are So Much More Important Than Friends, Jobs, or Family

He CALLED! Time to shove everything you've worked so hard to attain, every close friend who's stood by you since high school, and all those family members who know you better than anyone aside and devote everything to stalking the one guy who deigns to acknowledge your existence. This is it. THIS COULD BE THE ONE!

6. Wait, You're Over 30? Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

Seriously.

7. No Guy Is Worth the Heartache…if He's Not Rich

If a guy can afford to buy you a penthouse apartment with a 1,000-square-foot shoe closet, you are totally justified in sticking with him, even if he's been a non-committal douche who smears your emotions on his shoe heel like dog shit and strings you along for 10 years. Sure, he's made you spend the best years of your life in the grips of a needy, clingy, destructive shame cycle…BUT LOOK AT THAT CLOSET! Sorry, were we talking?

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MOST RECENT COMMENTS

Posted by shelly on 02/18/2009 3:54 PM

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you have a point, on somethings. the movies i like arent necessarily the pointless, plotless, sad-excuse-for-comedy films that fall under the chick flick catregory.. im watching a walk to remember for the 1st time tonight on abc family so i cant say much except that ive seen the preview & think that its great. i wikipedia'd it & its not some bubbble gum pink flick. she dies of cancer. the notebook, shes i n d e p e n d e n t. except for the part she was begging him to come back.. but you get the point. :) basically i thought this post was much too general, blown out of proportion even. who are these women you speak of ? ive never met one. :o

Posted by shelly on 02/18/2009 3:58 PM

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oh && this is coming from a 13 year old girl. ;D but you may n ot use that as an excuse for disagreeing with you. 'oh, but shes 13 so it doesnt count' is stupid. im just as capable of thought & opinion as an adult. quite frankly some of the adults posting on the internet have the IQ & maturity of toddlers :x

Posted by Shmoe on 02/19/2009 3:39 PM

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I suppose your points are well made. Now just a lesson in using the shift key, sentence structure, paragraph formation, and when not to hyphenate and you're 100% better than most on the internets!

Posted by Shmoe on 02/19/2009 3:40 PM

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Don't forget, it's a fairly shallow mens magazine. Not a scientific study on chick flicks. It's meant to be funny, not fact.

Posted by EB on 02/20/2009 4:13 PM

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Posted by YouWish on 02/20/2009 5:00 PM

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EB, women do things men want/like because its a competition with other women to land the better man, or look like you could atleast.

Posted by Megbeth on 02/20/2009 5:12 PM

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Men.

Posted by fdewf on 02/20/2009 6:36 PM

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cant see the #$%&@ing article

Posted by Jorad on 02/20/2009 8:02 PM

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Since the article seems to have disappeared before I could actually read it, I'll post my own theory. Chick Flicks hate Women because women hate themselves.

Posted by MAndi on 02/20/2009 9:07 PM

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you will like this

Posted by Lindsay on 02/20/2009 9:15 PM

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hahaha, all the girls that are even mildly offended by this are missing the point. The article, tongue-in-chick though it may be, is a fairly accurate breakdown of how many "chick flicks" do a great disservice to women through awful portrayals and terrible cliches. They are right about one thing though. We all might as well die after 30. ;)

Posted by Jay on 02/20/2009 9:29 PM

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And why in the world do women put up with wearing high heel shoes? Do they know men invented them so their butts would move in strange ways? and they are a health-risk to top it off. Sometimes women deserve their fates if they go along with what men want. I love this feminist idea that there's some huge male conspiracy out there. Heels were invented by a person who wanted to make a lot of money. On a side note i hear women invented ties to make shirts less comfortable to wear.

Posted by A Guy on 02/20/2009 10:08 PM

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Annnnnndddd your point is? This is what makes women women... And part of the reason I love them. Women are feminine and emotional, it balances the universe, and gives me a boner.

Posted by Linda Rangely on 02/21/2009 4:19 PM

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Big reason why men cheat is that women are in denial. Especially about boobs....they can't understand that men care about them, and they ignore the power of them. My boob job was the best thing I ever did. My guy was losing interest. Now he sees the attention I get and he almost *guards* me. Plus sex is way better. I blamed him for erection problems, but now that is history. You have to learn how to use them all over again though. I can keep him hard for hours if I want to. I put it off for so long and now I regret the lost years. After 5 years with new boobs, all of my fears that the fascination would wear off is GONE!

Posted by BlowmeupTom on 02/21/2009 11:38 PM

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The Tom Leykis Show got cancelled!Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Women truly are like this...

Posted by Mike on 02/22/2009 10:58 AM

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Clearly.

Posted by oider on 02/22/2009 6:21 PM

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Calling them chick flicks is the first mistake. Guess what... not all chicks are the same.

Posted by carly on 02/25/2009 11:15 AM

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finally someone said what Ive been thinking for years. not all women are obsessive, shopaholic (which by the way i totally cringe at that word) shallow, insecure lunatics!!! you're boyfriend dumped you and #$%&@ed your mom? Well of course some shopping and excersize, then you can get that total loser back in your life, just one question, why do you want him back? geeze. And what's up with all the chick flicks where this seemingly smart chick is dating a total douchebag and plans to marry him(WHY?), only to run off with her male 'freind' that she's secretly been in love with the whole time.

Posted by chickspy on 04/28/2009 3:46 PM

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Thank you. Also, many of us girls detest chick flicks. Although I was sort of addicted to Sex and the City, but only so I could judge the main character and feel self righteous in my superiority.

Posted by Ben Gilmore on 09/05/2009 10:45 AM

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When Harry Met Sally. She never waits on a phone call, does go shopping (but it's not to fix anything, it's just her going shopping, she actually even goes shopping WITH the guy), she never has a make-over, she never throws everything away, the guy IS her friend (her best friend, actually) and she stays in touch with her friend Marie even whilst marrying Harry, she's over 30 and so is he, Harry is most definitely not rich. I'm a guy and I love "chick flicks" and I don't know what this list is about. You're clearly watching trash romantic comedies. Nora Ephron offers the best of the best. When Harry Met Sally. Sleepless in Seattle. You've Got Mail. The problem here is you're picking from the bottom of the barrel. Of course you're going to have complaints if you're picking the worst from that genre! It'd be like if I made a list: Why "Action Movies" Bite the Big One. And then I cited Stealth and XXX and The Fast and The Furious. Anyway, that's my ten cents. Sorry that I got all angsty.