So you're gearing up for a weekend spent in the dark with your girl—before you load up that NetFlix queue or get online at Blockbuster, you need to have a solid, foolproof game plan.

That's where we come in.

Allow us to present our weekly DVD-siac Movie Three-Pack, a collection of recent releases and old favorites that we guarantee will get you lucky this weekend, in one way or another.

THE CHICK FLICK YOU CAN TOLERATE
Plan A: Show your sensitive side…within reason. Grab a "chick flick" that at least has some redeeming value so that you can stay awake along enough for her to reward your gallant show of sensitivity. This week, we recommend:



Things We Lost in the Fire
If she's going to force you to watch something with "depth," at least make sure it features actors who are worth a crap. Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro are, if you haven't heard, both pretty good at what they do (as long as it's not, in Berry's case, fighting crime). Plus, this movie is all about appreciating what you have before you lose it, so it'll have her cuddling up extra close to you. Never a bad thing.

THE GUY FLICK SHE CAN TOLERATE
Plan B: She has a headache, she has to get up early, her football injury is acting up—in short, you're looking at a dry night ahead. But, hey, you still want to spend some time together, so forgo the romance and put something that leans a little more on the "guy" side without leaving her in the cold. This week, we recommend:



Quantum of Solace
There's something about the name "James Bond" that turns car chases, shoot-outs, and sex puns into something she can suddenly tolerate (why is that not the case with "Michael Bay"? Baffling…) The newest 007 outing is one of the most action-packed and globe-trotting one yet, so you'll both have more than enough eye candy to keep you entertained.   

YOUR MOVIE
Plan C: That yawn means, "I'm getting some beauty rest, so why don't you put that diving rod of yours on ice and watch something without me?" The downside: No sex. The upside: You can watch the movie you really wanted to watch, her feelings or interest level be damned. This week, we recommend:



Tokyo Gore Police
This is a movie that not only will she not enjoy, you may not even want her to know you rented it. Not to get too Film School 101 on you, but this film falls into the category of—if we recall Fellini's phrasing properly—"Cinema of the Totally Fucked Up." Mutants, freaks, fetish wear, and more geysers of blood than a Slayer album cover, Tokyo Gore Police is like watching the inner workings of a head so debauched it has to invent new crazy shit to do. You'll have fun in the right mindset, but better wait until she's snoozing.