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Posted Monday 05/04/2009 10:06 AM in
The Movie Blog by Eric Alt
Filed under: ruin, movies, sci-fi, geeks, horror, nerds
Remember when you used to get really jazzed out over movies after you went to see them? Well, kiss those days good-bye. Why? Because ever since Hollywood found out how lucrative it could be pandering to nerds, it's become its default setting. If you're not the type of person who uses Luke's call sign as your gmail username or has personally hand made your own Starfleet uniform, you're probably finding the current movie landscape just this side of unbearable. Don't get us wrong, you like a decent sci-fi, comic book, or horror movie, but we have had it with a movie's coolness, iconic impact, and cult status pre-decided, pre-marketed, and pre-sold because of it's quote, unquote "geek cred."
So here are some of the ways movies are being ruined by their desire to appeal only to geeks.
Obsession with Minutiae
You know what? When we originally went to see Star Wars and watched in awe the first time Darth Vader stepped onscreen, we thought, "What a badass!" Know what we didn't think? "Hm, I wonder what his childhood was like?" Thanks to geek culture, every backstory, tangential storyline, or tiny piece of character trivia has to be explored ad nauseum. And it's not just sci-fi or comics, either. Rob Zombie's Halloween remake was basically built around the notion that horror geeks can't wait to find out exactly how Michael Meyers got his blue jumpsuit. Everyone else? We don't care. Can't wait for the Nightmare on Elm Street remake that features a 10 minute montage of Freddy shopping for sweaters. Leave this stuff to the fanfic where it belongs.
Spoilers!
Remember when you went to a movie and didn't already know how it was going to end? Man, were we lame or what? Now, thanks to geek pandering, you can't avoid hearing every plotpoint, every twist, and every deleted or extended scene discussed, nitpicked, and debated within an inch of its life. Is it any wonder movies can barely keep their box office momentum going beyond a single weekend? By the time these things come out, even the casual viewer is sick to death of hearing about it.
Hype Overload
Spoilers light the fuse, and then the marketing departments make sure the rest detonates all over your face. Even if you turn off the computer and the TV and, say, settle in for a pizza and a soda you can't escape the hype machine. Not when your soda is a Limited-Edition Wolverine Super X-Treme Mutant Cola and your pizza is an Optimus Pepperoni with side of DeceptiBreadsticks. Again, the only people who collect shit like this are geeks. Who cares if the movie is even any good once it finally comes out 6 months later? And, yes, movies have almost always have marketing tie-ins, but never before have they been so aimed squarely at the hermetically-sealed world of the obsessive collector.
OCD Marketing
Say you've resigned yourself to the fact that you won't be surprised by trailers anymore, and you log on to check out a glimpse of that upcoming sci-fi blockbuster. Hope you've got 100 hours and endless cellphone minutes to spare, because in order to see any footage you now have to engage in an open-ended ARG scavenger hunt tailor made for the obsessive-compulsive and the unemployed. Tell you what - you take a picture of this monument at this exact hour on this exact date and e-mail it to this hidden web site and cc exactly 23 friends in order to see an exclusive pre-teaser. We'll just buy a ticket six months from now.
"In"-Jokes
The only thing worse than a cellphone going off during a movie is the lone, obnoxious chuckle from the guy in the back who wants to make sure everyone knows that he "gets" that the random priest character has the same last name as the comic book artist who first drew the main character or that the name of the file on the villain's computer refers to a story from a 12-issue mini-series published in the last 70s. Great. So that's the sound of one hand clapping. And it doesn't stop there—movie advertisements are aimed squarely at the people who already know what the property is, and make no effort to include anyone else. That's why Watchmen's entire pre-release campaign didn't make a single effort to let people know why they should care about this story, just that they should already care about it. Check out the most recent X-Men Origins: Wolverine TV spot:
"Agent Zero." "Emma Frost." What's that? You have no idea who Emma Frost is? You think this trailer cares? Nope. All it has to do is flash the name of some obscure character and its target audience is creaming in its WolverSlurpee. Again, everything is based on the assumption that you already know this stuff (Read: that you are a geek) and everyone else can just fuck off.
Remakes/Reboots
Have you noticed an inordinate amount of remakes—or "reboots," as if that's actually something different—coming out lately? It's not all due to Hollywood laziness. Geeks are the perfect audience for remakes, because they are trapped in a state of perpetual nostalgia. They so adore toys and TV shows that they loved as kids that they have built their whole existence around them. So if want to just remake Star Trek until the end of time, they couldn't be happier. And another geek trait is "re-imagining" things without actually changing them. Everyone loves the idea of a new take on Batman, but if you dare change a single thing about his costume they will attack you with torches. Hence why we have a "new" Friday the 13th where Jason looks exactly the same and kills people in the exact same location with the exact same weapons. It's a "new" take without bruising geeks' precious nostalgia. It's all they have, really.
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| Posted by HulkSmashNow on 05/04/2009 10:42 AM | report abuse |
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Geeks aren't ruining movies, studios are doing that for us. "Wolverine" is a prime example of that. And what do you care about Internet coverage of films? If you don't want to know any of the things you listed about upcoming movies, then don't look them up. Go in blind and just enjoy the goddamn thing. Geez, what a whiny baby!
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| Posted by Diggs on 05/04/2009 11:34 AM | report abuse |
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I HEAR YOU GUYS.Some fools gotta go put every single detail about a movie out on the net! You can't help but, be inundated with the crap.And then leaking a movie a week or two before it releases into theatres.Disgusting! and 'Wolverine' was a great movie! Sure,I read the comics and they pretty much screwed up several of the characters.I mean the 'geek' in us is what just us so hyped over the movie.Yes, you guys at Maxim READ the comics.Don't deny it.No,no...don't try and hide that comic under that box of jellies!And, there's nothing wrong with 'in-jokes'.you guys know all the answers.I feel what you guys are saying on some of this stuff, and yeah, you're right to an extent.Ank "hulk smash", noone wants to go into a movie blind.that's how you end up throwing away good money.Sometimes,a little info. beforehand saves you and anger and money.Their point was over-doing coverage,and they're right.And, noone is going to hide their head in the sand when it comes to getting info. on new movies.We want to know, just not THAT much.True......it is a choice but, so is going apeshit over another person's opinion.
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| Posted by Tony on 05/04/2009 1:48 PM | report abuse |
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Stop crying cuz you are too dumb to have enjoyed these great stories that have really been out for years... you were probably one of those Aholes that made fun of the people who enjoyed this stuff...oops now it turns out many of them are making movies.. or making a lot of money have a lot of disposable income to spend on the stuff they like...
Watchmen did really suck though .. no matter if you were a fan of the comic.. in fact the movie almost ruined the comic.
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| Posted by Mako on 05/04/2009 4:22 PM | report abuse |
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If you don't like internet coverage of movies read something else.
If you don't want to be bombarded by the marketing avalanche avoid fast food.
You think the re-hash is a movie trait caused and pandering to nerd culture, then why is Broadway filled with musicals based on Abba, Journey and Billy Joel as well as Movie rehashes like Big, 9 to 5 and the Lion King.
Stop whining
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| Posted by daniel on 05/04/2009 6:09 PM | report abuse |
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are you whining because you're not smart enough to "get it"?
grow the hell up.
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| Posted by ALPHABET on 05/04/2009 6:23 PM | report abuse |
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yeah this is bullshit bitching, lotsa generalizing, not much substance.
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| Posted by geek on 05/04/2009 6:30 PM | report abuse |
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I'm a geek, and you guys all need to SHUT YOUR DAMN DIRTY MOUTHS! You're going to ruin the control we have over the movie companies!!
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| Posted by Sean on 05/04/2009 7:02 PM | report abuse |
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I could almost work myself up into a fit of nerd rage if I didn't remember that I used to read maxim for the 'in jokes', or gadget and game reviews, or what you were feeding to Hiroki. The girls were always a nice touch, but its not the biggest reason to read it. Oh shi-! Maxim markets itself to geek niches.
You're also bitching about a process that you're intimately involved in. How many stories have you written in the past few months that didn't involve Hugh Jackman in some way (I know looking at the last 3-4 pictures for this blog all have pics of Wolverine).
Being so close to the entertainment industry you're probably exposed to most of these things you're whining about far more than we are (or at least I am), but for most of us, we can browse, change the channel, or walk away from it. Sucks to be you?
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| Posted by the Dude on 05/04/2009 8:37 PM | report abuse |
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An article complaining about pandering from a magazine that does nothing but pander. Is this supposed to be irony, or post-modern sarcasm?
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| Posted by Rob on 05/04/2009 10:15 PM | report abuse |
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haha good article good article
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| Posted by JJ on 05/04/2009 11:15 PM | report abuse |
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I highly doubt horror movies are targeting geeks. I'm pretty sure the typical maxim writer prefers a syrupy sweet romantic comedy. Yearning for the days of Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock there Maxim?
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| Posted by Walter on 05/05/2009 12:49 AM | report abuse |
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This article is probably hypocritical trash disguised to be a series of controversial points. If this was meant to be a joke then the tone of the writing is beyond self-destructive. From the previous article Eric wrote: "Before you plop down hard-earned cash to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, know what you're getting into by going back to the source material. Don't you want to be the one snickering in the back row because you get all the references?" In this article: The only thing worse than a cellphone going off during a movie is the lone, obnoxious chuckle from the guy in the back who wants to make sure everyone knows that he "gets" that..." Either this has been one of the most rapid change of hearts on the site, or it's a failed attempt at translating sarcasm on the internet.
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| Posted by but think about this on 05/05/2009 3:26 AM | report abuse |
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just think about this....the guys who buy MAXIM are in the same boat as the movie geeks...THEY CAN'T GET GIRLS! You think anyone who has a wife or girlfriend really needs to pay money to look at these two dimensional broads? Oops, gotta go...my wife wants more sex!
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| Posted by on 05/05/2009 4:51 AM | report abuse |
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Why are you blaming your core audience man?
This article is retarded.
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| Posted by James on 05/05/2009 6:23 AM | report abuse |
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Just a few points for you, Eric.
First, movies are neting more in the last few years than ever so you seem to be in the minority with your opinion.
Second, you evidently put a lot of time into this article. There's quite a few people who would find its content rather "geeky"
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| Posted by Mike on 05/05/2009 7:12 AM | report abuse |
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I agree that the "geek pandering" has gotten a little out of hand, but by the same token, not everybody who knows Lou Ferrigno's face and remembers the (truly horrible) TV series is a geek. It sounds like you want to see nothing but sports or romance movies to be made. Maybe your education and imagination are part of the problem, not necessarily just the movies coming out of Hollywood.
And if you can't enjoy a "geek flick", protest by not paying to see it.
And if you want to talk about pandering....have you not seen the hype for sporting events? That shit (and the infantile pricks who get paid millions to be bad role models for the kids in this country) should be banned from the airwaves.
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| Posted by Jim C on 05/05/2009 8:06 AM | report abuse |
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The problem with all this is a lack of creativety on hollywoods part and a laziness that has become predominate in making this crap. Having grown up with all this I get sick of remakes, but remeber hollywood is going for the bucks to, an apparently the geeks have the money and the time to see something 100 million times
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| Posted by Jay Reed on 05/05/2009 8:39 AM | report abuse |
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I do agree, but it is based on the lack of originality. They can't think of any new ideas so instead of producing the Star Wars, Indiana Jones or Elm Street of this new generation, it is just easier to explain something that was great and always will be than to create something great. There are only certain movies that need to be remade, and some movies that need to be released in January and not in June or July to induldge such marketing. I really think, that now, movies are going to enter a dark age for a while with redundant remakes and polished crap that can only be ended by the inovation of creativity. The really sad thing is, that I don't remember that last movie I saw in a movie theatre, and the last good one I saw. I will have to give it to ya', that zing about Freddie picking our sweaters was pretty rich. Rich because that is the way that movies are heading. I don't want to understand Fred, I just want to know that he is a badass. I feel no need to sympathize for the mass murderers of our silver screen gilded youth. When I met my wife, I wish I could have just gave her the episode 4, 5 and 6 version, but no...she had to know about all of the bad shit that I did in 1, 2 and 3, which in turn, created episode 7...The Phantom Argument. Entertaining article Eric.
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| Posted by WillJammed on 05/05/2009 11:06 AM | report abuse |
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Although I agree with the minutiae obsession, every other geek characterization is completely wrong. When people think of Geeks the image that comes to mind most often is that of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates swimming in the money they made from being obsessive compulsives.
We are only nostalgic for the design or creation of something, and yes we DO get the inside jokes because we possess WAY above average intelligence: unlike magazine writers.
The reason we collect all that "sh!t" is we need SOMETHING to do with all the money we make creating and improving computers and communication devices. And when we retire at 40 we will have all of this crap laying around that we can sell to former magazine writers on eBay.
Yes we are obsessed with details, and for whatever reason Hollywood has decided to make movies for our kind--perhaps because we have the money to pay for a ticket, and the slurpee cup, and the models and action figures.
Quite frankly I have not seen a movie worth paying for in some time. Most of my geek friends do not buy into the hype for every movie coming out--we are patient enough to watch the Blue Ray on our 60" home theaters where magazine writers are not there asking their geek friends what happened every five minutes...
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| Posted by CoAda on 05/05/2009 11:43 AM | report abuse |
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This article could have been a lot shorter....
Hollywood sucks. Period.
That should have been the whole article right there...
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