Next year, two movies will attempt to wow us simply by the cast they managed to cobble together. In one corner, there's The Expendables—Sylvester Stallone's Ocean's 11 for aging action heroes. In the other, there's Takers, a younger, hipper Heat. They'll both have you raising your eyebrows and scratching your head in equal measure, but which one really boasts the best ensemble cast? Let's break it all down.

1. The Ringleader
Takers: Idris Elba
The Expendables: Sylvester Stallone
Winner: The Wire's Stringer Bell is an underrated badass, but c'mon—Sly's been throwing his roast beef torso into fireballs since Elba was an itch in his daddy's pants. Edge: Sly.

2. The Right Hand Man
Takers: Paul Walker
The Expendables: Jason Statham
Winner: Wait, the Blonde Keanu from Fast and Furious? Are you serious? The Stath'll punk him out like his name was Amy Smart faster than you can "Jack Robinson." This one's a laugher—Statham FTW.

3. The Strong Silent Type
Takers: Hayden Christensen
The Expendables: Jet Li
Winner: C'mon, Takers. You need to step this up a bit. We understand "aiming for a younger demo," but…Pitting Walker against Statham was bad, but "Annie" Skywalker against Jet Li? Jet Li sneezes and eight guys have broken femurs. Hayden could be in an American Apparel outlet and still not be the toughest guy in the room.

4. The Roadblock
Takers: Matt Dillon
The Expendables: Dolph Lundgren
Winner: You think this one is a no-brainer, too, but we're giving it to Takers. Dillon can sell the role of a lawman on the edge, no problem. The novelty of seeing Dolph onscreen with Sly again will wear off quickly assuming he's given more than "I must break you" to say. Dolph's a cute gimmick, but Dillon's a better pain in the ass.

5. The Sleazeball
Takers: Chris Brown
The Expendables: Mickey Rourke
Winner: Wow. This may be the Ali v. Frazier of douchebaggery. We're calling it a draw. Rourke is a walking affront to man, woman and child, and it takes balls the size of Rihanna's welts for Takers to expect us to sit through this whole movie and not once think, "That asshat beats up girls" every time Brown is onscreen.

6. The Creep
Takers: Jonathan Schaech
The Expendables: Eric Roberts
Winner: Schaech is a dark horse choice (check out The Doom Generation), but Roberts has been making our (and sister Julia's) skin crawl since back in the day when we'd stay up late watching partially-scrambled Cinemax. The man is a slime legend.

7. The Wild Card
Takers: T.I.
The Expendables: Randy Couture
Winner: Since neither of these guys can claim acting as their day job, it's tough to say which one will rise and which will fall. T.I.—being a rapper—has history on his side (Tupac, Ludacris, The Ices Cube and T are among many of the successful crossovers), but Expendables isn't going to force MMA fighter Couture to do anything other than scowl and hit people. Ah, what the hell? T.I. wins.

8. The Steves
Takers: Steve Harris
The Expendables: Steve Austin
Winner: You think we're going straight for Stone Cold because no one has any idea who Harris is, right? WRONG! Harris, as you may recall, is one of the villainous soldiers from The Rock—the one who, famously, tells Nic Cage, "I'll take pleasure in gutting you, boy." Win!

9. The Reliable Back-Ups
Takers: Michael Ealy
The Expendables: Terry Crews
Winner: Amid all these rappers and action heroes and pouting pretty boys are two guys who can actually act. Ealy is usually a scene stealer every time he appears (he even manages to be great in stuff like Barbershop), and Crews can do drama, action, and comedy with aplomb. Fuck it. It's Crews. Why? This is why.

10. The Ladies
Takers: Zoe Saldana
The Expendables: Charisma Carpenter
Winner: In this kind of battle, there are no losers.

11. Cameos
Takers: Unclear at this point, but rumors don't point to anyone significant.
The Expendables: Bruce Willis and Mother-Fing Arnold Schwarzenegger
Winner: Boom! Takers? TAKERS? C'mon, Takers, hang in there. HANG IN THERE! DON'T YOU DIE ON US! NOOOOOOOOOO