This Saturday is, of course, Halloween, the one holiday where you are free to celebrate traumatic horror, crippling fear, and Satanic evil (well, besides Mother's Day). So make sure your DVD and Blu-Ray player are well stocked, because nothing will have her leaping into your waiting arms more effectively than the right scary movie.

For Halloween 2009, we recommend:

IF SHE'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING NEW
She's not the TCM kind of girl, she wants her scares hot off the presses. Dazzle her with these new-to-DVD offerings.

Trick 'R Treat
The ultimate no-brainer pick. Trick 'R Treat didn't get a theatrical release, but it is required viewing this Halloween. An anthology of short tales a la Creepshow, it could very well become the "modern classic" for this holiday the way A Christmas Story became for the Yuletide season. Smart, fun, and scary, this is as close to a no-lose as you can get.

Drag Me To Hell
A close second to Trick is Drag Me To Hell, Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi's return to horror that also brings a sense of fun back to being scared shitless. Seriously—aren't you more into gypsy curses and demons than turgid torture wankfests like Saw? No girl in her right mind is going to cuddle with a dude who's way into Hostel. Trust us.

Fear Itself
NBC's effort to return some Tales of the Darkside-style frights to TV didn't take off with viewers, but it did have its fair share of highlights. Bringing together horror luminaries like John Landis (An American Werewolf in London) and Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) to direct episodes was a smart move, and these shorter, made-for-TV tales are like the Fun Size candies of Halloween viewing.

IF SHE'S INTO THE CLASSICS
She prefers her horror to be time-tested and shopworn, but there are plenty of chances to see Boris and Bela and Lon on TV this weekend, so surprise her with these "classics"

Night of the Creeps
This forgotten 80s gem has finally come to DVD, and this is a very, very good thing. A mix of tongue-in-cheek camp with body-part-flinging horror, Night of the Creeps is, to borrow the tagline from Creepshow, "the most fun you'll have being scared." Not that Night's own tagline isn't a classic in its own right: "The good news is, your dates are here. The bad news is, they're dead."

Wolf/Dracula/Frankenstein
Sony Pictures recently released this trio on Blu-Ray, showcasing classic Halloween monsters in new-fangled movies. There's Wolf, the Jack Nicholson "werewolf as midlife crisis" movie, Dracula, Francis Ford Coppola's more literary take on the Count, and Frankenstein, the one where Kenneth Branagh turns Robert De Niro into a walking baseball. They look purty in HD, and will satisfy her more traditional cravings.

IF SHE'S AN INCURABLE ROMANTIC
OK, she's into the concept of Halloween, but scary movies have her hiding under the bed rather than snuggling under the covers. Give her something otherworldly, but keep the "boos!" at a minimum.

Twilight
The single-disc edition has just been released in anticipation of the theatrical release of the sequel, New Moon. This is perfect because the vampires are wispy and fey and romantic and non-threatening and the single-disc doesn't bombard you with tons of special feature you won't give a shit about. Take this one for the team on Halloween and you'll probably be rewarded. Especially if you twinkle like a disco ball in sunlight.

IF SHE'S SECRETLY A PSYCHO MIDGET HOOKER
What do you do if you suspect this girl has a screwy past she's not telling you about?

Orphan
Also new to Blu-Ray, this is the quintessential "you've adopted a strange little girl who you suspect is trying to kill you but who is really a midget hooker with a backstory more traumatic than a Scores dancer" movie. Enjoy!