If teen movies have taught us anything, it's that there will always be newer and crasser lows to hit. They're inspirational!
<strong>9. Revenge of the Nerds</strong>- They don't make 'em like they used to—mostly because these days you'd never get away with a rampaging Asian stereotype (take a bow, Takashi), a college football team without a single African-American player (what is this, the 1950s?), and a sub-plot involving the strong bond between an older gay man and an underage boy genius. Why don't we mind? Two words: wonder joints.
<strong>8. Road Trip</strong>- Seann William Scott learned a big lesson in American Pie (check your beer for gizz before guzzling), but in Road Trip he learned something far more important: The joys of prostate stimulation. During a trip to the sperm bank, a nurse gets him off using a single enterprising digit. Now if he'd only learn how to spell "Sean."
<strong>7. National Lampoon's Van Wilder</strong>- Playing a prank on collegiate dickheads is a sacred institution, but when it involves plying a bulldog with canine porn in order to empty his elephantine nut sack, even we are given pause. But then we watch the dickheads unwittingly chow down on the doggie spew and all is revealed.
<strong>10. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle</strong>- Despite its simple premise—two stoners head out into the night in search of tiny, onion-slathered ratburgers—H&K ends up becoming a journey into wrongness. Things really go south when the boys find themselves trapped in a women's restroom while two prim English lasses play "battle shits." Cue a bowel-shredding flurry of gut-wrenching sound effects.
<strong>6. Pretty in Pink</strong>- We're sorry, but this is just wrong. We don't care where you live, or in what era you grew up—no teenage boy at any point in history has ever tried to woo a girl by purchasing a Steve Lawrence album. C'mon, Pretty in Pink! There are some places you just shouldn't go. Ever.
<strong>5. The Karate Kid</strong>- Buried deep within this tale of an underdog rising to the top are two very disturbing elements. One, that an Italian kid from Jersey is "too ethnic" for the residents of Southern California, and two, that the best way for a young boy to survive the harsh realities of high school is by shacking up with elderly gentlemen who wear pajamas all day and give them cars. It's like a rent-boy training film.
<strong>4. American Pie</strong>- If you had told us that a single movie would feature both gratuitous semen-imbibing and sex with food, we'd have asked you politely to return to Germany with your DVD collection. But no, the raunchy exploits of teen boys turned out to be as American as…scheisse porn. And Eugene Levy buying porn for Jason Biggs just seals the inappropriate deal.
<strong>3. EuroTrip</strong>- When you're looking for a way to distinguish yourself from the rest of the teen comedy pack, you could always try a new setting—like, America's been done, let's head to Europe! What? Not enough? OK, well, there's always absinthe-fueled incest. Oh, yeah, that hits the spot. But if your sister looked like Michelle Trachtenberg, wouldn't you think about it once or 40 times?
<strong>2. Porky's</strong>- The George Washington of the raunchy teen flick, Porky's forever made "Mike Hunt" a household name, and taught us all to avoid blindly sticking our penises into holes in bathroom walls. That second lesson we'd kind of always suspected, but it was nice to see it all spelled out. Sadly, rest stops will never be the same for us again.
<strong>1. Sixteen Candles</strong>- Forget all that crap about a shy girl meeting the boy of her dreams, Sixteen Candles has a sinister message lurking beneath its cheesiness. That message? Not only is date rape perfectly justifiable (as long as the girl in question is vain and trashed your house), but it can lead to love. How else do you explain the relationship between Anthony Michael Hall's geek and the prom queen? Wrongness, thy name is "Farmer Ted."