Check out the rest of our Holiday Party!
20. Jessica Simpson, Rejoyce: The Christmas Album
When we said we wanted to unwrap Jessica under the tree, finding this in our stocking was not what we had in mind.
19. The Brady Bunch, Christmas With the Brady Bunch
Compared to this, "Time to Change" is Kanye West.
18. New Kids on the Block, Merry, Merry Christmas
Ground zero for crappy boy band Christmas albums. It gave rise to 98 Degrees' This Christmas and *NSYNC's Home for Christmas.
17. Clay Aiken, Merry Christmas with Love
The horror…the horror!!!
16. Mirror Image, Yuletide Disco
We've honestly never heard any songs on this album, but the cover was frightening enough to earn a spot on our list.
15. Barenaked Ladies, Barenaked for the Holidays
Their version of "Jingle Bells" sounds even worse than your 4-year-old niece's preschool concert.
14. Celine Dion, These are Special Times
As if the over-the-top crooning of Canada's worst export since curling wasn't bad enough on its own, this 16-track self-indulgence from the Diva Queen also features a cover of the Lennon/Ono audio ipecac, "Happy Xmas (War is Over)."
13. Ali Lohan, Lohan Holiday
Lindsay's 12-year-old sister's musical debut features holiday classics such as "Deck the Halls," "Jingle Bells," and "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth (And My Sister's Nipples to Stay in Her Shirt)"
12. William Hung, Hung for the Holidays
Why God? Why?
11. Raffi, Raffis's Christmas Album
Forget Michael Jackson, this is the guy who should go down for child abuse.
10. Tiny Tim, Tiny Tim's Christmas Album
Nothing welcomes the birth of the messiah quite like ukulele solos.
9. "Singing" animals, Meowy Christmas, Christmas Unleashed, It's a Cow Christmas
Recently declassified government documents show these albums were al Qaeda's first wave of attack.
8. John Denver, "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk on Christmas)"
If your son was John Denver, wouldn't you spend your holidays at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon?
7. Ally McBeal: A Very Ally Christmas
Ally always indulges on Christmas. She eats a whole bite of ham…and takes a full whiff of mashed potatoes.
6. Christmas with Colonel Sanders
As our 56-inch waistlines will attest, the Colonel knows chicken. Yuletide carols? Not so much.
5. Rosie O'Donnell, A Rosie Christmas
Think it's not possible to hate that little red tampon Elmo anymore than you already do? Just wait until you hear his duet with the most annoying woman on daytime television. (Yes, she's worse than Oprah.)
4. Terry Bradshaw, Terry Bradshaw Sings Christmas Songs for the Whole Family
We'd rather watch Failure to Launch on loop than sit through another note of this.
3. Paul McCartney, "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time"
Well, we were having a wonderful Christmas time until some ass turned on this song.
2. NewSong, "The Christmas Shoes"
You know what happened to those shoes the kid bought for his dying mother? The mortician stole them.
1. Christmas in the Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album
If Jon Bon Jovi had any shame, he'd apologize for making his recording debut on "R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas." Unfortunately for all of us, Jon Bon Jovi has no shame. (How else do you explain "Who Says You Can't Go Home?")