Torque

If you’re that rare breed of moviegoer mindful of plot progression, character development, and underlying themes, you probably won’t care too much for Torque. (You should probably also have those bedsores looked at, tubby.) The skid marks form when Ice Cube and an assortment of non-former gangsta rappers set out to nab an innocent biker (Martin Henderson) who’s holding their rides as evidence for a case that’s left him framed and on the run. Out on the highway we encounter a lost love with an attitude (Monet Mazur), pit stops teeming with enough bikinied babes to cast a Kid Rock, Inc. training video, and, er…did we mention Ice Cube yet? The complete disregard for a story is admirable and a running time that’s up before you can demand a second dose of popcorn butter makes for a harmless ride through the trash-talking, beer-guzzling, rubber-burning fictionalized world of two-wheelers. But the action sequences that fuel thrills early on revert just short of Xbox graphics for the movie’s blowout finale, leaving onlookers with the cinematic equivalent of road rash. Then again, Ice Cube does snarl “Fuck tha police!” with feeling for the first time in 15 years, which should be worth about $1.3 million at the box office on its own.