In Hitman, you play a
world-class assassin. If you could whack one person, who
would it be?[Laughs] Man, I can only pick one? That's tough. Got any ideas?
How about Dr. Phil?
But he seems like he's trying so hard.
Fine. What about Glenn Beck?
Oh, that's the pudgy guy on cable, right? Yeah, we can take him out. You know what the deal is with that guy? He's not funny.
He is when he's nursing a bullet wound. So how much would it cost?
Shouldn't be that expensive. I did hang out with assassins to prepare for the film, but I don't like to talk too much about that kind of stuff.
Did you play any of the video games to prepare for the film, too?
Here's the biggest difference I've noticed between the game and the movie, from my preparation: You know in the game how you can control what's happening on the screen? Yeah, you won't be able to do that in the movie.
If we scanned Agent 47's bar code at the
grocery store, how would he ring up?About $14.95. That's a sale price. Unless you're buying in bulk—then you can get like a dozen for $11.95. It's a pretty sweet deal.
Video game movies have been pretty hit-or-miss in the past. What's going to keep Hitman from being the next Super Mario Bros.?
Wasn't Bob Hoskins in that movie? He's fantastic! So it can't be that bad. Maybe it could have been better, but some of those Godfathers could have been better. Our movie could have been better with Bob Hoskins, for example.
You've played scumbags that aren't all bad (Go, The Girl Next Door) and avengers that aren't all good (Hitman, Deadwood). Are you trying to tell us that you're complicated?
I am a complicated guy, without a question. Like right now, I'm confused by my own answers.
We're all Deadwood heads, and have heard a dozen conflicting stories about its future. Can you set the record straight for us?
When you say "Deadwood heads," you just mean people calling out from their place in Iowa, right? I'm teasing. I enjoy hearing that people like it so much. Please tell everyone I send them my best, and I'm sorry to report that there is nothing that I know of.
Do you still
hate The Family
Circus?[Laughs] You do know those were just lines from a movie? When [Go writer] John August called the creators of the comic to get permission to use it in the movie, and they saw my character was so despicable, they thought it was a good thing that I didn't like The Family Circus. That's how we got it in the movie.
How'd you land your gig as a local radio sports reporter?
I just picked up the phone and started calling. I thought it'd be fun. Of course, other people don't think that's a good idea, but I've been going a year and half now. I'm not quite sure what's going on.
How come you never give any love to hockey?
[Laughs] Let's face it: Nobody really cares about hockey. I mean, who is number one in the West? Who cares? But hockey is the greatest sport to see live.
Ever think of sporting the chrome dome for good?
That's not always a volunteer situation. It might just all go. I think about it just like every man thinks about it. Oh, crap, one day I might be bald. Just like people who watch too much hockey think to themselves, Oh crap, one day I might wake up without teeth.