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Which Of This Week’s Movies Should You See? Ask A Dog!

Our movie-previewing mutts tackle 42, To The Wonder, and Scary Movie 5

 

42

Out April 12, Rated PG-13

 


Photo Courtest of D. Stevens / Warner Bros. Pictures

 

Holly’s take:

“I love a good, inspiring biopic, so I’ll probably give this a shot, even though I don’t know the first thing about baseball beyond how deliciously chewy the mitts are.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“The story of Jackie Robinson and Brooklyn Dodgers GM Branch Rickey is an important one, and it’s good to see it get the big screen treatment, although the word so far is that it’s a bit too heavy-handed with its hammering home of Robinson’s achievements. Truth be told, I’m mostly interested in seeing Harrison Ford in a role that demands more of him than just looking gruffly resigned for a change. Supposedly you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but it Ford can pull this one off, maybe there’s still hope for me to perfect the French Drop for my ‘disappearing poop’ routine.”

 

Billie’s take:

“BASEBALL IS FUN! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GET HIT IN THE HEAD BY THE BALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU CAN’T REMEMBER THINGS PROPERLY AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TYPING WEIRD STUFF IN ALL CAPS. HUMMUS! CATFISH! BELGIUM!”

 

 

 

To The Wonder

Out April 12, Rated R

 


Photo Courtesy of Magnolia Pictures

 

Holly’s take:

“Just gonna say it: this does not look like my kinda movie. I’m all for a good love story, but I’d like to have some idea of what people are doing and why they’re doing it, ideally while things explode in the background and maybe do a few sweet roundhouse kicks. I’m just old-fashioned like that.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“Terrence Malick certainly doesn’t make movies to everyone’s taste, but as someone who’s enjoyed his stuff from Badlands right through The Thin Red Line to 2011’s Tree Of Life, I’m always excited for a new film from the guy. From the advance reviews coming in, it sounds like he’s pushed his love for the craft of filmmaking even further to the fore here, with the plot – a sort of existential love story, with Ben Affleck and Olga Kurylenko as the leads, and Rachel McAdams and Javier Bardem providing support - somewhat sidelined in favor of beautifully framed scenery shots and whispered voiceovers, which people have understandably found frustrating. Short version: expect something visually beguiling, but not quite having the depth it thinks it does. Just like that stuck-up Poodle from down the street!”

 

Billie’s take:

“I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT REACTION THIS MOVIE WANTED FROM ME, SO I WENT AND ATE SAND FOR TWO HOURS. SEEMED AS GOOD A GUESS AS ANY.”

 

 

 

Scary Movie 5

Out April 12, Rated PG-13

 


Photo Courtesy of Quantrell D.Colbert / The Weinstein Company

 

Holly’s take:

“I have the feeling this movie’s going to be completely wasted on me – I hate horror films, so I haven’t actually seen any of the flicks this one’s trying to spoof. The only time I enjoy the sensation of blood, terror, maiming, and decapitations is when it happens to squirrels, because then it’s hilarious.”

 

Dexter’s take:

“I know it’s not terribly professional, but I’m incapable of objectively previewing this movie, since it has Ashley Tisdale in it and I love her. I know it’s weird for me to have a crush on someone of a totally different species, but there you go. They do say love is blind, right? Although after what I rolled in yesterday, I’m just hoping that love also has no sense of smell, either."

 

Billie’s take:

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S GREAT ABOUT WATCHING MOVIES? THAT PART WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR SEAT, AND THEN THE DOORS CLOSE, AND THEN YOU MOVE SLOWLY FORWARD THROUGH TRAFFIC WHILE A HOBO PEES ON YOUR FEET. NO, WAIT, THAT’S TAKING THE BUS. I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO CONFUSED.”

 

 

 

Our Dogs Tackle Evil Dead, Down The Shore, and Jurassic Park 3D

R.I.P. Roger Ebert