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25 Dumbest Rap Names

Style, flow and mountains of cash can't make up for these super-whack stage names.

Chamillionaire

The skinny:
With his twice platinum major label debut The Sound of Revenge, not too mention his hit single "Ridin'" and its Weird Al parody "White and Nerdy," southern rapper Chamillionaire is hip-hop's latest heavy weight.

Why the name is stupid:
We tried hard with this one, really racked our brains (which are now stupider for having trolled through all these moronic names) to come up with a concise, logical argument as to why this name is so confoundedly R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D, but some truths are self-evident, and Chamillionaire—the synthesis of "chameleon" and "millionaire"—is certainly one of them.


House of Pain

The skinny:
This Bostonian trio harnessed the power of the shamrock, beer and whatever other generic Irish iconography they could think of to become hip-hop's first McRappers. You've probably heard their monster hit—1992's "Jump Around"—in every fratty bar you've ever been to, and yes, you've liked it every time.

Why the name is stupid:
Sure, it sounds tough, but what the fuck does it mean? More importantly, if your one big hit is a staple track on every college girl's "party mix" CD, not to mention one of the jams featured in Mrs. Doubtfire, then you've got no right trying to sound hard. Maybe they should consider changing it to House of Paincakes. It's only a half-rhyme but it's good for a giggle.


Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

The skinny:
Huge in the '90s, these Grammy Award winning rappers showcased a unique style that consisted of a fast flow, hardcore lyrics and vocal harmonies.

Why the name is stupid:
We suppose this name was intended to play off the juxtaposition of "Thugs" and "Harmony," but we never made it past the dumb "Bone" part. The fact that each member also had the word "Bone" in their own name only worsened things. Yes, even you, Bizzy Bone.


Fabolous

The skinny:
Though he was known in the mixtape underground world since '98, Brooklyn-born Fabolous broke into mainstream hip-hop with his 2001 hit "Can't Deny It." This summer, he made headlines again by getting shot in the leg and being arrested for alleged weapons possession.

Why the name is stupid:
We'd correct this guy's spelling, but he's probably out having brunch, shopping and simply being too F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S to care.


Chingy

The skinny:
Has proven himself one of the most memorable of a new breed of rappers with that song about the club and the one where he says that word kinda funny.

Why the name is stupid:
You get the impression that every other formulation of the human mouth had been exhausted on every other rap name before they decided on his.



Silkk the Shocker

The skinny:
Though he never made it quite as big as his brother Master P, the Shocker had a string of successful underground albums in the late '90s, as well as the hit single "Somebody Like Me."

Why the name is stupid:
What's the rule about silent k's? Oh right, it's that they shouldn't come after other k's. And as much as we love anything referencing the shocker, we're not sure Silkk is in on the three-fingered joke.


Puff Daddy - P Diddy - Diddy

The skinny:
This buck toothed rapper used a whole lot of "Yeahs," Uh-huhs" and "C'mons"—not to mention the legacy of his slain pal Biggie Smalls—to become one of the biggest players in the biz.

Why the name is stupid:
We could devote an entire website explaining this one, but let's just leave it at this: If you can't rap and you can't dance and yet somehow you still sell records, then for the love of god at least come up with one fucking good name so we don't have to cringe every time we hear it.


Da Brat

The skinny:
More of a guest rapper on other peoples' albums than a headliner, this rugged female MC scored one solo hit with her 1994 single "Funkdafied."

Why the name is stupid:
Oh wait, it's THE Brat. Oh ok, we get it.


Too $hort

The skinny:
The uncontested father of pimp-hop, $hort is credited with seeding the West Coast sound popularized by Dr. Dre, DJ Quik, and raining nightsticks.

Why the name is stupid:
With the rap names Too Dope, Too Rich, and Too Raven all still available to this day, his selection of Short's a real head-scratcher.


Lutinent G

The skinny:
Christ, we don't even know what to say about this dude. We're sure he's "real" and "legit" and we've read he's got some crunked-out single called "Yeah Yeah" (must be a Lil' John fan)…oh hell, just Google him if you really want to learn more.

Why the name is stupid:
"Spendin' Gs?" "Being a G?" "Hangin' with the OGs?" It's high time rap got a new letter of the day. Q needs love, too.




Ja Rule

The skinny:
With back-to-back 4x platinum albums (Rule 3:36 and Pain Is Love), Ja and his trademark granular vocals owned the hip-hop and pop charts in 2001 and 2002, then his career stalled.

Why the name is stupid:
Ignoring the inherent played-out-ness of "Ja," the "Rule" part of this name mighta worked up until the point the dude started doing Grease-themed duets with Ashanti and stopped selling records.


Ying Yang Twins

The skinny:
Along with Lil' John, this Atlanta-based duo are the biggest purveyors of the Southern "Crunk" sound. In 2005, the Twins' hit "Wait (The Whisper Song)" saw them abandoning their loud antics in favor of minimal beats and hushed (not to mention super raunchy) vocals.

Why the name is stupid:
The whole idea between ying and yang is that they're opposites. So if these guys, who dress like clowns and shout like donkeys are yin, then yang must be something that's totally awesome and doesn't involve grillz in any way shape or form.


Bubba Sparxxx

The skinny:
A pioneer of Country Rap, this white boy has been able to hang with the big dogs, working with ace producer Timbaland and churning out acclaimed hit singles like "Deliverance" and "Ms. New Booty."

Why the name is stupid:
When it comes to picking names that scream "I'm from a farm!" Bubba has gotten extremely played out. There are so many good names out there, like Cletus, Jeb or even Elmer.


St. Lunatics

The skinny:
The St. Lunatics hail from—where else?—St. Louis (and they're lunatics!) and are the rapping posse of famed frontman Nelly.

Why the name is stupid:
Hailing from St. Louis and dubbing your crew the St. Lunatics is like walking into a bar and screaming, "Who has two thumbs and likes to party? This guy!" It just doesn't work.


Snow

The skinny:
This Canadian, patois-rapping douche scored one of 1993's biggest pop hits with "Informer," an unintelligible bunch of drivel that must've acted as a CD-buying-magic-spell because it's the only explanation we have for owning it.

Why the name is stupid:
This name is actually really helpful for the uninformed consumer, it means: I'm white a guy from Canada who raps in a fake Jamaican accent and my music fucking sucks.



Cash Money Millionaires

The skinny:
The Millionaires is a crew of southern rappers (including Juvenile and Lil' Wayne) on Cash Money Records.

Why the name is stupid:
What other kind of millionaires are walking around out there? Disney Dollar millionaires? Gift certificate millionaires? Expired Burger King gift card millionaires?


Master P

The skinny:
Though he and his No Limit label ruled the rap underground throughout the early to mid 90's, your out-of-the-loop ass is probably familiar with Master P thanks to his single "Make 'Em Say Ugh." You know, the track whose "ughhhhhhhh" vocal hook sounds just like your grandpa trying to squeeze some pee past his grossly engorged prostate.

Why the name is stupid:
Well, at least it's not Master G.


Snoop Doggy Dogg

The skinny:
From cutting his teeth on Dr. Dre's seminal gangsta rap album the Chronic to producing g-funk masterpiece Doggystyle to partnering up with Pharrell on hits like "Beautiful" and "Drop It Like It's Hot," Snoop is straight up rap royalty.

Why the name is stupid:
With his smooth lyrical flow, the D-O-Double-G is as good as gold in our book, but waxing about pimps, hoes, the sticky-icky and all things gangsta and then naming yourself after the pooch from Peanuts? C'mon...


The Game

The skinny:
Signed by Dr. Dre and feuding with 50 Cent, the Game made a lot of noise in 2005. So did his debut record, The Documentary, which has sold a whopping 2.6 million copies to date.

Why the name is stupid:
Well, what kind of game? The kind you spit at chicks when your 30-beers deep or the kind you play on a Milton Bradley board during awkward family reunions? We don't have that much beef with this actual alias; we're just saying the Game could have been a bit more specific with it, unless of course he was just trying to come up with something that rhymed with name.


NTM

The skinny:
NTM, or Nique Ta Mère (French for "fuck your mother") if you're not into the whole brevity thing, were a Parisian hardcore rap group noted for their violent lyrics.

Why the name is stupid:
Yup, the hardest rap group in France named themselves after a mother joke.



Dee Dee King

The skinny:
Chalk it up to a midlife crisis and a mind-warping drug addiction, but famed Ramones bassist Dee Dee Ramone actually quit the punk band in the late '80s to pursue a short-lived rap career. The fruit of his effort was 1988's Standing in the Spotlight, perhaps the worst rap album— or just plain album, for that matter—of all time.

Why the name is stupid:
Cause it's friggin' Dee Dee Ramone; half stupid, half sad, he must've been rapping under this alias for the drugs. Lord, please say the drugs made him do it.


Remy Ma


The skinny:
Taken initially under the rather sizable wing of fallen mentor Big Pun, Remy Martin preemptively shortened her handle to head off any potential conflict with the cognac manufacturer of the same name.

Why the name is stupid:
She named herself after an apéritif, then dropped the "rtin," making it deliberately stupider.


Mystikal

The skinny:
A former member of the gangster rap No Limit Records, Mystikal broadened his range and emerged as one of the South's biggest rappers, earning two Grammy awards in 2003.

Why the name is stupid:
Should mysterious ever rhyme with Cristal? We didn't think so either.


Xzibit

The skinny:
Southern Cali rapper Xzibit broke into the mainstream thanks to a series of collaborations with Dr. Dre, but he's probably best known these days as having been the affable host of MTV's Pimp My Ride.

Why the name is stupid:
We like this MC, so putting him on this pisstake list is tough, but Xzibit's (nice creative spelling, dude) name is so whack he should seriously consider sending it over to West Coast Customs for a pimped out overhaul.


Paul Wall

The skinny:
Coming up on the streets of Houston, Texas alongside fellow MC Chamillionaire, Wall topped the charts in '05 with The Peoples Champ and is now considered to be one of the leaders of the Southern Rap movement.

Why the name is stupid:
Paul rhymes with wall and probably a shit load of other words that sound a hell of a lot better, we just can't think of any right now. But hey, we're not rappers.