It’s tough growing up in the shadow of a famous parent … and even tougher when you suck beyond belief. We’ve seen several children of rock stars recently rise to the challenge, though: witness the debut album from Dhani Harrison’s band the newno2, the cool sci-fi flick “Moon” directed by David Bowie’s son Duncan Jones, and the surprising career of Crosby Loggins. But for every success story, there are 10 times as many epic fails. Here are the worst offenders:

10. Wolfgang Van Halen


Maybe it’s unfair to pick on a tubby 18-year-old, but Wolfie here should’ve known when he was in over his head. Joining the heavily hyped Van Halen reunion tour two years ago, Eddie’s son was brought into the fold to fill in for original bassist Michael Anthony … even though he’d only been playing bass for three months when he got the gig. The result? Performances that got either a resounding “meh” or jeers from crowds that missed Anthony’s trademark background vocals and stage antics. Go to college, kid!


9. The Nelson twins


With long, flowing locks and cheese-tastic pop songs, Gunnar and Matthew actually went all the way to No. 1 with 1990’s “Love and Affection,” a song you most likely remember blaring from your older sister’s Walkman throughout the worst family vacation ever. The twins' dad, Rick Nelson, died in a plane crash five years before they hit the charts, likely after having a vision of their lameness while freebasing cocaine. Gunnar went on to join the cast of VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club,” even though he wasn’t fat; losing a few pounds didn’t make him any less irritating.


8. Peaches Geldof

You can’t throw out a bag of garbage these days without hitting some rock star’s fucking pampered socialite offspring. (Which is a great feeling. Try it!) One of the absolute worst is Peaches, daughter of Boomtown Rats frontman Bob Geldof. Let’s say your dad’s been knighted and is highly regarded as a great humanitarian. As a teenager, should you keep a low profile and perhaps try to engage in some positive, constructive activity? Or, given your access to health, develop a hunger for fame and lead a self-destructive lifestyle that makes Pete Doherty blush (seriously)? Your pop may not like Mondays, but we sure as shit don’t like you.


7. Jakob and Jesse Dylan

Jakob Dylan

Jesse Dylan


I can’t imagine the pressure that comes with being one of Bob Dylan’s kids, but I can laugh at the inherent paths of lameness these kids have followed. Singer-songwriter Jakob has cranked out several albums worth of Hootie/Counting Crows-sounding dreck with the Wallflowers, while photographer Jesse went from making visually stunning music videos to unwatchable crap films like the Method Man/Redman pot vehicle “How High” and the subpar soccer comedy “Kicking & Screaming.” Points awarded for directing the “Yes We Can” video … points deducted for hanging out with will.i.am.


6. Elijah Blue Allman


Hmmm, what’s the best way to rebel against your Southern-rockin’ hippie father? How about wearing eyeliner and forming a plodding goth-rock band called Deadsy? Mission accomplished. The only child produced by the union of Gregg Allman and Cher, Elijah Blue was surely scarred by years of his dad’s substance abuse, his mom’s fishnets and Richie Sambora hanging around the house. But then again, maybe he was doomed for mediocrity from birth … after all, what can you expect from a dude whose parents made this?